Denied Veterans Benefits Over Same-Sex Marriage, Carmen Cardona Sues - NYTimes.com

The article below by James Dao of the New York Times says this appeal may be the first of its kind. Considering I started this fight in June 2010, I kind of doubt that. However, that's neither here nor there. I'd like to talk to Carmen Cardona. Do you know her? Have her email me at onewearysoldier@gmail.com. Tracy (the other Veteran in this battle) and I need to touch base with her. We should all be fighting together on this. There is power in numbers!

Terri and I on our wedding day.  May 30, 2010.

Denied Veterans Benefits Over Same-Sex Marriage, Carmen Cardona Sues - NYTimes.com

Ninth Circuit Court Lifts Stay Barring Enforcement of Don't Ask Don't Tell

Ninth Circuit Lifts Stay Barring Enforcement of DADT

LCR Case, on which Servicemembers United Executive Director is the Sole

Veteran Plaintiff, Succeeds Again in Gutting "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

7/6/2011

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Servicemembers United, the nation's largest organization of gay and lesbian troops and veterans, today enthusiastically applauded the order issued by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals lifting its own stay of a lower court's injunction barring enforcement of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law. This move once again renders "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" unenforceable by the Pentagon.

"With the wait for certification dragging out beyond a reasonable time frame, the Court has once again stepped in to require the Pentagon to stop enforcing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell,' and this time it very well may be for good," said Alexander Nicholson, Executive Director of Servicemembers United and the sole veteran plaintiff on the case. "I am proud to have worked personally worked with Log Cabin on this case for more than five years now and to have represented the gay military community as the sole named veteran on this lawsuit. Despite the criticisms and years of waiting, this case has yet again successfully eviscerated this outdated, harmful, and discriminatory law." 

The Log Cabin Republicans vs. U.S.A. lawsuit is the only contemporary successful challenge to the constitutionality of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law, which requires the Department of Defense to abruptly fire any servicemember found to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. In 2010, U.S. District Court Judge Virginia Phillips found the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law to be unconstitutional after a two-week trial, and issued an order barring enforcement of the law worldwide. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals subsequently issued a stay of that order pending appeal by the government. Today's order from the Ninth Circuit overturns its own previous stay, rendering "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" once again unenforceable. 

Nicholson added, "Servicemembers should still remain extremely cautious with information regarding their sexual orientation for the time being. The issue remains in a state of flux, although guarded optimism is certainly warranted."

For more information about Servicemembers United and the gay military community, please visit our new home on the web at www.servicemembers.org. 

###

Servicemembers United, a non-profit and non-partisan organization, is the nation's largest organization of gay and lesbian troops and veterans and their allies. Based in Washington, DC, Servicemembers United actively engages in education and advocacy on issues affecting the gay military, veteran, and defense community.

*** Any photos added were not in the original posting.  They were added by me.  Thanks, Wendi.***

In the Navy? One day you can marry on base. The next day you can't. If you're gay that is.

The Navy is riding high these days.  My congrats to Seal Team Six for taking out OBL.  In my opinion, his death is long overdue.  I heard the Seal who fired the kill shot is a married man.  Interesting that the Navy would announce such a thing.  Why would that matter to the general public?  Who cares if the shooter was married, single, black, white, purple, green or (gasp) rainbow colored!

It leads me to wonder if they were prepping us for the next big announcement.  On May 9, 2011, Stars & Stripes published an article entitled Navy says chaplains could soon perform same-sex unions. Could this be the Navy's way of telling us the "married" Seal is gay and to reward him for his heroism they were timing the release of this announcement as a show of support?  Stranger things have happened, right?

Unfortunately, for gays in the military who, for just a moment had a shred of hope, this didn't last very long.  Just this morning I woke to a ticker announcement on Good Morning America stating the Navy had reversed it's position on this decision.  That didn't last very long, did it?

Why the sudden change of heart?  It's clearly explained in this article, Navy Plan to allow same-sex marriage on bases draws opposition. The article states that after the plan to allow marriages on base was announced it drew criticisms "from dozens of members of Congress".  So of course, the Navy bowed to political pressure and back peddled so fast we didn't even have time to spread the good news that same sex marriages were going to be allowed on base in the first place.  

What a crying shame.  Here the Navy had the opportunity to lead the way...again.  They brag in the news about taking out OBL.  They deserve props for that.  They brag in the news that "sensitivity training" is progressing towards the certification of the repeal of DADT.  They brag in the news they will soon begin to allow same-sex marriages on base.  The policy was published in April and released a few days ago. Why did they wait so long?  You have to wonder about that.  The timing is certainly suspicious, don't you think?  Just as quickly as it was announced, the policy was rescinded due to pressure from Congress.  

What the hell, Rear Admiral Tidd?  DADT has been repealed.  You took a major step forward in announcing that same-sex marriages would be allowed on base.  What a coward you turned out to be.

Until the next time, my friends.....

Lover Official Music Video - Tom Goss

I sure hope this link works. If not, click on the title of this blog and it will take you directly to this video. It's a beautifully done video tribute by a man who loses his Soldier/Lover to the war in Afghanistan.

The point of the video, for me anyway, is that it doesn't matter who you sleep with. We can all wear the uniform. We can all fight for our country. We can all die for this country. We all bleed the same color of red. Sexuality doesn't matter.

Contact your Congressman. Let's get Don't Ask Don't Tell repealed.

Until the next time .....

Holy Cow! I'm Married!

Hello Invisible Readers,

I come to you today a married woman.  I never thought I'd say that again.  I've been living by the adage, "Marriage is an institution and I will never be institutionalized again".  My first marriage was to a GI named Jim.  I'm certain I've discussed him before.  We parted ways after 2 1/2 years.  It had nothing to do with my sexuality.  I still believed I was straight when I left him.  It had everything to do with his drinking.  After Jim I fell into a pattern of relationships that were not healthy.  I wanted so much to be loved that I got into long term relationships with anyone who showed me the smallest bit of affection.  Don't get me wrong, I loved each of those women but they were not healthy relationships and they did not last.  I always accepted the blame for their "end".

The Rose Ceremony.  We were both laughing at this point and just wanted it done and over with.

This time I've found the perfect woman.  So perfect, in fact, that I asked her to marry me.  We actually went to Iowa where same sex marriage is legal and had the ceremony performed there.  We know our marriage will blossom and continue to grow with love.  I've never met a more perfect woman.  How she puts up with my idiosyncrasies I will never know.  I'm not an easy person to live with.  Terri is my everything.  She is my world.  She is my Guardian Angel.

Now comes the fun part.  We got married in Dubuque, Iowa, so that our marriage would be legal.  Our marriage is not recognized here in Florida.  We knew that going into this.  No, we're not moving to Iowa to take advantage of the laws there.  We're going to stay here and hope that some day the laws will change and Florida will recognize our marriage.  We like Florida.  Our friends and family are here and we have no reason to leave them behind.

The newlyweds.  Mrs & Mrs Wendi & Terri Goodman

 

We're in a holding pattern now.  We're waiting for the official marriage certificate to arrive in the mail.  My wife (I love saying that!) took my last name when we married.  We need the marriage certificate so that she can start the process of changing her name legally.  The folks in Iowa told us to start with Social Security.  The County Clerk's Office in Iowa told us that Social Security will change her last name without a problem as  long as they receive an official copy of our marriage certificate.  Once Terri has that, she can work on changing the rest of her documents.  We went to the bank and the bank told us all she needs to bring in is a marriage certificate and social security card with the new name.  Terri had checked with the Department of Motor Vehicles before we left and they told her they wouldn't recognize her name change because it was a same sex marriage.  However, if she brings in a social security card with her new name, they will recognize that.  How odd is that?  Talk about a double standard.

That's only half the battle.  We still have to battle the Department of Veterans Affairs and the US Government.  I want to enroll Terri in DEERS so that she can get a Military Dependent ID Card.  (It's an Army retiree thing).  I'm not sure how that's going to work.  Don't Ask Don't Tell doesn't apply to me anymore because I'm retired.  President Obama signed a bill awarding same sex benefits into law for Federal employees.  I'm not sure how that works with regard to military retirees.  Will they issue her a military ID card and allow her to be my "dependent"?  I don't know the answer to that but you can bet, Invisible Reader, I'll keep you posted.

Then of course, there's the battle with the Department of Veterans Affairs.  You already know, Invisible Reader, that I'm an 80% service connected, disabled Veteran.  The VA pays extra money if you're married and/or have "dependents".  Because of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) the VA does not recognize same sex marriages.  That's not going to stop me from filing for an increase in my benefits and trying to get Terri declared as my Wife of record.  Why would I do such a thing?  I can hear you asking yourselves that, Invisible Readers.  Well, I'll tell you.

There are changes on the horizon.  There is a strong chance that Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT) is going to be repealed this year.  Gays and Lesbians will soon be able to serve openly in the military.  That will be a great day.  I can't imagine what it would be like to serve openly and not have to fear for your career each and every day.  I suffered horribly in that deep, dark closet for many, many years.  I know fear.  I'm so thrilled not to have to live in that closet anymore.  I often wonder what would happen if they were to call me back to active duty.  As a retiree, I'm subject to recall until the age of 65.  It says so right there on my DD214.  I've already been retired honorably.  If they were to reactivate me and I came out as a lesbian, how would that affect my honorable retirement?  But, I digress from my original train of thought and this is a topic for another day.

I believe that once DADT is repealed, we are one step closer to repealing DOMA.  Once that happens, a whole new world of benefits will open up to the LGBT community.  I believe the Governement will HAVE to recognize our same sex marriages and give us all the rights, freedoms, benefits, etc, that our opposite sex friends receive.  That's why I am going to file the paperwork to get Terri a military dependent ID card.  That's why I'm going to file the paperwork to have here declared as my wife and apply for the additional benefits from the VA.  I most assuredly will be denied.  I have no doubt about that.  However, when the time comes that they finally recognize our marriage, I'll have laid the groundwork for a huge back pay.  Don't get me wrong, Invisible Reader.  I'm not doing this entirely for the money.  I'm doing this because it's what is right and fair.  Terri is my wife.  Legally.  We have a marriage license and certificate to prove it.  We deserve it.  Terri deserves to receive the care and benefits that I earned by serving my country for twenty years.  I want her to receive any monies that she is entitled to when I die.  I want her well taken care of when I am gone.  I'm going to fight to the end to see that it happens.

Are you a Veteran legally married to a same sex spouse?  Follow my lead.  File for increased benefits for your wife or husband.  You need to fill out VA Form 21-686c.  Send the completed form with the required documents to your local VA Regional Office via certified, return receipt. US Postal Mail.  Or, you can always go to the VA website and send it through the VONAPP system.  You'll get denied, of course.  But you'll be laying the groundwork for a big fat back pay for when it is eventually approved.  When mine is disapproved, I'm going to find an attorney to fight it for me.  I'm going to take my fight and make it a very public fight.  My wife knows this and bless her heart, she's agreed to go along with this plan.  She's not out at work except to a select few people.  She works in a very redneck county where they discriminate against everyone who isn't a good ole boy or girl.  You know the type. She loves me enough that she's willing to be outed if this goes public.  She's willing to risk her job so that I can fight this battle with the VA and the DoD.  That's love, Invisible Reader.  Fighting for what's fair no matter what the risk to her is.

Speaking of fair, Invisible Reader ... Have you seen the new "She Serves" Campaign?  I first caught wind of it on Facebook.  On Facebook, they made it seem like it was an outreach program for women Veterans -- for ALL women Veterans.  I even found them on Twitter.  It seemed on the up and up when I first saw it on Facebook.  An organization which women could join, regardless of when we served --- all of us were welcome.  I was excited about it.  Then I started investigating further.  It seems that "She Serves" is nothing but a recruiting campaign for the VFW in it's effort to bump up their numbers of women Veterans.  Now that more and more women are serving in combat theaters, the VFW is seeking to actively recruit those women.  I discovered this when I clicked on the "eligibility" link and it took me right to the VFW's eligibility page.  I knew in that moment that I'd never be a member of "She Serves".  You see, I've never served in a combat theater.  I am authorized to wear the National Defense Service Medal because I'm considered a Gulf War Era Veteran.  The two tours I served in Germany during the Cold War don't count for anything.  Cold War Veterans of Germany, unless you served in Berlin, get the royal shaft.   The VFW doesn't want us.  Sure, we can join, but they'll throw us into the Ladies Auxiliary.   Tell me, Invisible Reader, I was a soldier ... just what the heck do I have in common with the wives of service members?  That's who you find in the Ladies Auxiliary.  Why would I want to be a member of that?

I will end with this email I received from a woman Veteran friend of mine.

About a week or so ago I was talking to some ladies from our local American Legion...I told them that I was a veteran and they invited me to join the auxillary with them...I told them again that "I" was the veteran, and that I didn't have a spouse.  They said that at this local post all women are members of the auxillary.

WTF???

Talk about the good ol' boys system.  It appears to be alive and well in Fairborn, Ohio.

BS.

Until the next time, Invisible Reader.....

Serve Our Country—Repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Serve Our Country—Repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Hello, Invisible Reader. Do you know that I'm getting married next month? That's right. After swearing off marriage after my first and only heterosexual one that ended in divorce in 1985, I'm taking the plunge again on May 30th, 2010. My fiance and I live in Florida where gay marriage is not allowed so we are traveling to Iowa where it is legal. Our marriage won't be recognized in Florida but we'll know it's legal and we hope that some day it will be legal in all fifty states. Screw DOMA.

If you read the article "Serve Our Country -- Repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell", you'll see why DADT is very important to me. I was a career soldier. If you've been following this blog, you already know that. You also know that I am an 80% service connected disabled Veteran. As a lesbian Army retiree who is marrying another lesbian, my soon to be wife is not entitled to any federal benefits, NOTHING. Not that it has anything to do with DADT, but the repeal of DADT is a stepping stone, I believe. It is a stepping stone towards the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

You see, Invisible Reader, when my heterosexual counterparts marry, they are entitled to extra money from the VA if they are disabled Veterans. They are entitled to receive benefits at the "with dependents" rate. When Terri and I get married next month, we won't be entitled to any extra money because the VA is a federal agency and as such, they don't recognize gay and lesbian marriages. We are a non-entity as far as the VA is concerned. Screw DOMA. Screw DADT. Repeal them both.

So what does this have to do with the repeal of DADT? Everything ... I think. If DADT is repealed, women like Retired Naval Captain Joan Darrah won't have to live in fear of being found out and discharged. If DADT is repealed, will the military then award spousal benefits to same sex couples in committed relationships? If so, then how will that carry over once service members are released from the military? Will the VA then award us disabled Veterans spousal benefits the same as our active duty same sex counterparts? One can only hope. I want my soon to be wife taken care of, too. If I should die because of a service connected disability, I want her taken care of for the rest of her natural life. If DADT is repealed will that force DOMA to be repealed? Or is that just wishful thinking on my part? Am I living in a fantasy world, Invisible Reader, for wanting what  heterosexual married couples take for granted?

Don't Ask Don't Tell didn't come into play until my last year of military service, 1993.  Before that time I was subjected to witch hunts. I didn't come out until 1985 or 1986. It wasn't until long after I divorced my husband that I finally came to the realization that I was/am a lesbian. I've said this before in my blogs but for the benefit of you new readers, those who knew me best, including my own family, knew all along I was a lesbian but chose to let me figure it out on my own. After that personal discovery I lived in fear for the rest of my military career. Even when I was "still straight" I'd been accused of being a lesbian. There were those who suspected that my marriage was one of convenience and that my husband and I were doing it for two reasons: Number one we were doing it for the extra money; Number two I was using my ex-husband as my "beard". Neither was true but you take a strong female soldier who doesn't take any crap and it's automatically assumed she is a "dyke". I was terrified for the remainder of my military career. I kept my little secret (a very large, potentially very dangerous secret), well hidden and told no one. I didn't tell my family, none of my lifelong friends, I trusted no one except my partner and that's because she had as much to lose as I did. I did not fraternize with anyone I worked with and I kept my social life completely separate from my military life. I invited no one to my home and my partner and I went nowhere in public where we might be seen together. That's a terrifying way to live. When family came to visit we slept in separate bedrooms. We were that afraid.

Even now I keep my life private to a certain extent. Oh sure, you can Google my name and the word lesbian will come up associated with it and I'll be "found out". I don't think they can take anything from me now. My VA mental health care providers know that I am a lesbian. I had to be honest with them if I'm ever to get well. But at my request, which they've honored, nowhere in my records does it say that I am a lesbian. Nowhere does it make reference to my "partner" being a female.

At some point or at what point, do we stop living in fear? My fiance works for the County.  Just this morning she told me that if gay marriage is ever approved in the state of Florida, some of the people in the County Office are saying they will refuse to marry same sex couples because of their "religious beliefs". Terri asked someone else from that office, "Is that legal? Can they refuse to marry same sex couples?" The answer was "No, they cannot. They are County employees and if same sex marriage is legal, they have no choice to perform them, regardless of their religious beliefs." Someone else was telling us last weekend that in their state you can "marry your first cousin but it's illegal for same sex couples to marry." Wow. Inbreeding at its very best. Lets promote THAT!!

Bottom line Invisible Reader, read the article about Retired Naval Captain Joan Durrah. Then go out and do whatever you can to help promote repealing DADT and DOMA. Until DADT is repealed, thousands upon thousands of service members will continue to live in fear and isolation. It's a lonely place to live, Invisible Reader. I know, I've been there. I hated it. It was a frightening, very dark closet with no light at the end of the tunnel. Show support for DOMA, too. Repealing DADT doesn't end the battle. Veterans need help, too. I want to be able to take care of my soon to be wife. I want to enroll her in DEERS. I want to get her a dependent ID Card. I want to draw VA Benefits at the with dependents rate. I want to make sure that if I die due to complications of a service connected disability, she is taken care of for the rest of her life.

Be an Invisible Reader. Don't be an invisible activist. Speak out. Volunteer. Do what you can to help.

Until the next time, Invisible Reader ......