Time to catch up. How about an update?

Hello Friends!  It's been a long time since I caught you up on what's been happening with me.  I've been so busy trying to take care of business that I've really fallen behind on keeping you up to date.  I've made progress in some areas, had set backs in others.

I find myself bored lately.  My life is at a stand still.  I've finally completed my PTSD claim.  It's taken me over two years to complete that friggin' claim.  If anyone tells you that filing a claim for PTSD is easy, they are lying.  While it's true they have relaxed the rules for PTSD due to combat, they haven't relaxed the rules for MST (military sexual trauma).  For those of you who have been with me from the beginning, you'll know that I had a ton of evidence to go through.  Very personal evidence.  Letters that I had written home to my best friend over my twenty year career.  I was unaware that she'd saved those letters until she passed away.  One of her sisters found them when going through her personal things and she returned them to me.  I didn't look at them until after I had my first flashback and started searching for what had happened to me.  It was all there in the letters I'd written home as a young soldier.  My friend had saved all that evidence for me.  Who knew I'd need that evidence 30 years later? 

I filed my PTSD-MST claim last June, 2010.  It took almost one year and a phone call from a Women's Trauma Counselor from the St Pete Regional Office to finally get me off my ass enough to get moving to finish my claim and send in all the evidence I had.  I had plenty.  I had my letters.  I had buddy statements.  I had a Nexus letter from my treating psychologist.  I had evidence from my SMR showing that I had two pap smears in one weeks time.  I have a current diagnosis.  And I have three years of treatment records.  But every time I looked at those letters, written in my own hand, describing everything that happened to me, they triggered me so badly ... well, those of you with PTSD know what happens.  Nightmares.  Panic and anxiety attacks.  Isolation.  Everything, and I mean everything scares the shit out of you.  The slightest noise, the lightest touch and you are jumping clear out of your skin.  Forget sleeping.  If the nightmares aren't keeping you awake, insomnia is.  You detach from everything you know and love.  Your mood is like a pendulum.  It swings back and forth.  Up and down.  Does this sound familiar?  Sitting in a dark house, shades drawn, only the dogs for company.  Not caring how you look, how you dress or if you ever leave the house again.


I was determined.  I persevered.  I got it finished and two weeks ago I finally sent the completed packet off to the ST Pete VARO, certified with a return receipt.  Now, I will wait.  Like the rest of us caught up in the 1,000,000 claims backlog, I will wait.

While the PTSD claim is processing, I'm still waiting for a decision on my service connected right shoulder, temporary 100% claim that I submitted last June 2010.  What a joke that has been.  Per eBenefits, which I trust about as much as I trust Iris Inquiries or calling the 800 number, it's in the "Decision Phase".  According to the eBenefits website, "The Decision Phase is completed on most claims between 16 and 28 days.  The number of days provided is a national average of time claims spend in the Decision phase based on data at the end of May 2010.  Please be advised that a claim may take longer in this phase based on the specifics of your claim."  Mine has been in the "Decision Phase" for almost two months.  I think they need to update their statistics.  I'll continue to wait.


Last but certainly not least, there is my appeal for IU.  To refresh your memory, I submitted my claim for it in October 2008 and was denied in October 2009.  I hired an attorney after a very long process and the appeal went in.  We asked for a DRO review.  To date, we're still waiting.  The review still has not taken place.  My attorney is confident we'll win so I consider it money in the bank.  I'm at 80% now, I draw SSDI (the decision was based solely on my service connected conditions) and VR&E refused to send me back to school and/or retrain me.  How can I lose is the attorney's theory.  I hope he is right.

In the meantime, about two months ago, I received a letter from my attorney, Sean Culliton, withdrawing himself from my case.  I have to admit that I was very, very pissed when it happened.  I felt abandoned by someone I had let in to my circle.  He was not a Veteran, he'd come highly recommended and I reluctantly allowed him in.  I trusted him to do right by me.  In retrospect, I understand his decision to let go of my case.  I'm no longer angry.  I've hired a new attorney, recommended by Jim Strickland, and I believe he'll do right by me.  My former attorney has gone back to his civilian clients and I wish him well.  He turned over all my files to me, even going so far as to burn everything onto a disk so that I can pass them along to my new attorney.  He also signed a letter which has been sent to the VARO waiving all rights to any fees and backpay.  He's a straight up guy and he did right by me.  I'm sure my new attorney will take my case and run with it.  In the meantime, I'm still waiting.

So what do I do now?  I've been so consumed with working on all my claims that I no longer know what to do with myself.  I've spent day after day, month after month, for almost two years, trying to get this damn PTSD claim done.  Now that it's finished, and I've hired a new attorney to work on my appeal, I'm stuck with nothing to do.  I sit in the house all day, monitor Straight Talk, answer emails, take the dogs out to the yard for potty breaks and clean up their shit, watch my soaps and poke around on the internet.  That's my day, and night, 7 days a week.  I can't drive anymore so unless my wife is here to take me somewhere, I'm stuck at home.  Don't get me wrong; home is my "safe place".  I'm more comfortable here than I am anyplace else.  I'm just bored.  I need a new challenge.  What to do?  What to do?  And how to do it from home?

Service dog update.  There is none.  Sort of.  I got word from VACO to resubmit my packet instead of appealing it.  I got some static from the fine folks in Tampa Prosthetics.  No surprise there.  An email to my POC at VACO in D.C., took care of that problem.  I'm just waiting now for my backlogged primary care physician to resubmit my packet.  It's being resubmitted with a focus on Rocco's mobility tasks.  I gave my social worker a list of mobility tasks that Rocco performs for me that can't be done by "prosthetic aides".  That should push my request over the edge.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.  And for you.  If this works for me, it will work for you, too.  As always, I'll keep you informed.


Speaking of service dogs .... I'm trying to put together a blog of reputable service dog schools.  If you have one that you recommend, please send it to me at WendiG@vawatchdogtoday.org.  I prefer to list non-profit schools that will give dogs to service members and Veterans at no cost but I will list all schools.  Thank you.


And finally ... the Independent Living Program.  If you qualify, you really should apply to this program.  I've been in it for just over two years now.  It's taken a while for me to get everything that was written into my plan, but it's finally all coming together.  I no longer have to worry about using those beat to hell store scooters, or paying outrageous rental fees, when I go out.  I have the "Cadillac" of mobility scooters and finally, last week, I had the lift installed on our pick-up so that we can take it with us when we go out.  Have scooter will travel.  I can now exercise Rocco properly.  He loves to run along side it.  I'm still waiting for an adjustable bed, but my counselor assures me it's forthcoming.


There's the update, my friends.  I'm bored to tears.  I've spent two years working on claims and now that they are finished I don't know what to do with myself.   I have all this spare time on my hands.  It's Spring time in Florida.  The beach is out.  I can't drive there.  That means fishing is out, too, because I can't get myself to the water (& that's only 15 minutes away).  I guess I'll have to get with my partner, Jim Strickland, and see what kind of trouble he can find for me to get into.  I am fairly certain he's got something in mind.  You may want to keep an eye out for some changes in the format here.  I'm just sayin'.


Until the next time.......

How much is that Doggie in the Window, Part Two.

Hello, Invisible Reader.  It's been a while since we talked about service dogs so I figured it was time for an update. Since my first post about service dogs on April 18, 2010, I've learned much about service dogs and I'd like to share that with you.  


I guess the beginning is always the best place to start.  Let's rewind back to March, 2010, when I lost my beloved Doberman, Puzzle, to a form of cancer called lymphoma.  It came on fast and there was no chance of saving her.  I wrote that blog in April while the pain was still fresh and raw.  I miss Puzzle.  She was a such a sweet dog and there is no replacing her. 

Puzzle pretending to be an old Granny

I had started looking into Service Dog Schools and found good ones and less than reputable ones.  At the suggestion of Ken Lyons of Service Dogs of Florida, Inc. (SDFL), I didn't give up hope and kept applying.  Ken already had me penciled in for Charity but he'd warned me that it could be a year or more before Charity would be ready for me, IF she even made it through his rigorous training program. Ken puts each and every one of his dogs through a tough training and credentialing program.  If they don't make it past Assistance Dogs International training standards, he'll wash them out of his program.  Some might make it as therapy dogs, others will be placed into pet homes.  Only the very best dogs will earn an SDFL patch and the title of "service dog".


I knew two things for certain.  One, I couldn't wait a year or longer for a service dog.  Two, I couldn't stand to be without a Doberman.  After doing further research I realized I'd made a terrible mistake.  Working dogs such as German Shepherds and Dobermans CAN make good service dogs as long as they have the right temperament.  For that reason it's imperative that you have a breed specific expert assist you in finding the right dog.  Just any old dog won't do.

I've already told you about my background in dogs.  If you've forgotten or you're reading my blog for the first time, click on the link in the first paragraph to Part One for my "history".  Very quickly, I've been around the professional sport of AKC obedience dog training and dog showing almost my entire life and I have "connections" in the dog world.  When I decided to get a Doberman, I reached out to an old family friend who has known me since I was three years old ... in other words, for close to 48 years.  Not only does Esther know me well, she is one of the foremost authorities of Dobermans in the United States.


Esther reached out to her friend, Jinx, who works with Spay-Lee Rescue, Inc., here in Florida.  Unbeknownst to me, Jinx had known my mother from back in the 60's, as long as Esther did. Spay-Lee is an all-breed rescue but they specialize in Dobermans.  Esther and Jinx set out to find me the perfect Doberman.  They know I suffer from PTSD and major depressive disorder.  They know I have mobility issues.  They know I want to train my own service dog and with the guidance from the right trainer, I'm fully capable of reaching this goal.  All I needed was the right dog.  Between Jinx and Esther they have over 100+ years of "Doberman experience".


The call came from Esther that they'd narrowed my choice down to two dobermans.  All we had to do was drive to Sarasota to meet them.  We packed up Manor, our little dog, picked up Esther, and the four of us were on our way to meet the dogs.


It was love at first sight.  Had we lived in a larger house, Terri and I would've come home with two Dobermans that day.  Alas, we had to choose just one.  There was a pretty little bitch who was the sweetest thing.  Sadly, in her previous life she'd been hit by a car.  Her pelvis had not healed correctly and though she didn't seem to care, I worried that the long term effects would be a problem in the future.

Really sweet girl who was also looking for a home.

The other dog they brought for us was a handsome, red male.  His tail was already docked but his ears were natural.  He was young; 8 months old.  They estimated he was born in October 2009.  He'd recently been neutered so he was full of puppy energy and testosterone.  What most people fail to realize is that neutering a dog doesn't instantly get rid of the testosterone.  It takes about six months to get it out of their system.

The male we were looking at.  He was checking out Manor.  See her in the lower left corner looking on?

We had Manor, our resident Old Girl with us.  It was important that she be included in the decision.  After all, she's been with me for many years.  She's about 12 years old and this is her house, too.  If she didn't like either of the dogs than it wasn't going to be a dog that went home with us.  We were meeting on neutral territory which is necessary when making a decision like this.

Manor, the "Old Girl" of our house

The decision wasn't difficult to make once I realized I had to make a rational one.  My heart told me to take both dogs home.  My reasonable self, and my wife (the smart  and more rational one) told me to take the male.  We did the required paperwork, loaded the dogs into an air-conditioned van and then ate lunch to celebrate.  The fun and hard work was just beginning.  I had a new Doberman and I was one happy camper.


I have to point out that my wife, Terri, wanted an Australian Shepherd.  She's wanted one for a very long time.  Bless her heart she gave up her dream dog so that I could have my Doberman.  The Dobe we'd just adopted came with the name "Rocco".  I hated the name from the instant I heard it and wanted to change it.  Terri loved the name.  What's a girl to do?  I took away her Aussie.  I had to let her have the name.  So now we have Rocco and she tells everyone he's the Aussie she was supposed to have.  ;-)  Some day Terri will have her Aussie.  Just as soon as I can afford to buy my wife a bigger house, my first purchase (after the house of course) will be an Aussie puppy.  My wife has certainly earned it after giving up so much for me.


After lunch we loaded up Rocco into our car and started the ride to his new home.  We weren't sure what we were in for.  Esther and Manor were in the back seat.  Poor Esther.  Manor is a chronic, almost obsessive licker (think OCD) and Esther was her captive audience for the ride back to Palm Harbor.  Rocco went into the back of the car and settled down quietly, watching the road pass him by, wondering, no doubt, where he was going now.

Rocco on his way to his new home.

Rocco had only been in rescue for a couple of weeks.  Not much was known about him.  He'd been turned in to Miami-Dade Animal Control and they wanted to put him down because he had "cancer" on his elbow.  It wasn't cancer.  It was a hygroma, something common in Dobermans but the inexperienced folks at MDAC didn't recognize that.  Fortunately for me, they called Spay-Lee and Spay-Lee saved the day.  More to the point, they saved Rocco's life.


About a week after we brought Rocco home, we had to return him to Spay-Lee for surgery on the  hygroma.  It was rough on Rocco and rough on us.  He'd spent a few days at the pound, two weeks in rescue, a week with us and then he had to go back to Spay-Lee for another week.  Poor guy ... would his life ever settle down?  I can't imagine what he was thinking.


One week later we picked our boy up.  The surgery was a success and we could have our own Veterinarian do the post-op follow-ups.  Little did we know what was ahead for Rocco.  Our poor dog had already seen so much in his young life and still --- he's a real trooper.

All bandaged up after surgery.

Rocco with his "cone" on.  Poor Baby.

Rocco got sick after surgery.  His platelet count dropped and he started to hemorrhage.  He had red spots all over his belly, inside his ears, inside his mouth ... it was terrifying to me.  I thought... My G-d, you just gave me this incredible dog.  Don't let me lose another one.  I won't tell you how much money we spent getting him well again but it was money well spent.  Spay-Lee offered to take him back for a second opinion on the diagnosis (which is not relevant to this story) but I turned them down because that meant being away from him for another week.  Antibiotics, steroids, pain meds, lab work.  I believe Veterinarians are underpaid and you won't get me to change my mind about that one.  I'll never disagree with the cost of a Vet bill no matter how outrageous you think it is.  I worked for many years in the animal health care field.  I know how expensive it is to own and operate your own Veterinary Hospital.  If you think the average Veterinarian is making money hand over fist you are sadly mistaken. (stepping down off my soap box now)


After a couple of frightening weeks, Rocco healed up nicely.  He's now an active, happy dog and he loves to play and train.  Right now he wants a potty break and he's telling me about it.  Back shortly, Invisible Reader!

Once Rocco got the "go ahead" from our Veterinarian, his training (and mine) began in earnest.  We hooked up with an amazing young woman by the name of Emily who lives in Naples.  Emily is 13 years old and she's had service dogs since she was five years old.  Mind you, Invisible Reader, this all falls under the Service Dogs of Florida, Inc., umbrella.  They will be the ones to ultimately test and certify Rocco when he is ready for it. It will take us approximately two years of training before Rocco is fully trained but even then, the training will always continue.

Emily and Rocco at the Park

But back to Emily.  I hooked up with Emily through Facebook.  Ahhh, the wonders of the internet.  Emily offered to help me train Rocco.  Little did she know I had already hooked up with Ken and SDFL.  It's a small world, isn't it?  The more I learned about Emily the more impressed I was with this amazing young teenager.  Emily once had a long term goal of being the Navy's first Woman SEAL.  She was taught how to swim by a former SEAL and she was so inspired by him that she wanted to be a SEAL like he was.  Unfortunately, Emily has issues that will keep her from joining any of the armed forces.  Do you think that stopped Emily from wanting to serve her Country?  No way.  Not this young lady.


Emily has a new focus.  Some day Emily wants to open up her own service dog school.  Her goal is to train service dogs and give them to Veterans.  She was thrilled to find out that I am a Veteran and offered to help me train my dog.  Already, I have learned so much from this young woman.  She is a wealth of information and knowledge.  I have to stop and take a deep breath and remember that I'm talking to a 13 year old when we're chatting.  She's wise beyond her years.  


I am Emily's "First Veteran".  Her dog, "Bella" is an "owner-trained" service dog, certified by SDFL.  I'm going to train Rocco under the SDFL umbrella, with Emily's help.  I'm honored to have her help me.

Emily and her service dog, Bella

Training a service dog is a long process.  It doesn't matter if you're an owner trainer or if your dog is school trained.  It'll be at least two years before Rocco is ready to be tested by SDFL to become a "Certified" service dog.  Until then, he'll be an "SDIT", "Service Dog in Training".  He has a great many tasks to learn.  He has basic obedience to learn.  He has to pass the AKC Canine Good Citizenship Test.  He will need thousands of hours of public access time.  That's just the beginning.


Everything that Rocco and I learn, and this is a learning process for both of us, believe me, has to be documented.  Each time Rocco and I go out in public has to be carefully recorded.  Where we went, how long we were out in public together, date, time, details, details, details.


What amazes me most is how incredibly fast Rocco is learning.  I could brag and tell you I'm a great trainer.  But that wouldn't be the truth.  The truth is, he's just a smart dog.  He's totally devoted to me.  He's a quick learner and he wants to please me.  As I write this, he's laying at my side, ever watchful.  He knows when I'm upset, when I'm tired, when I need help standing up, when I need help balancing.  He's learning his obedience skills quickly.  


He's not perfect.  I have to remember he's still a puppy and he LOVES to play.  When he's off leash and we're out in the yard he's easily distracted by birds flying overhead.  The funny thing is, we have five pet birds of our own and he doesn't give a damn about them.  He totally ignores them.  


He loves to chase "his" ball.  We work on his obedience training in the yard.  I can't leave the house during the week.  If you're a regular reader you know I don't drive anymore so leaving the house when my wife is at work is virtually impossible.  It's okay though.  We work on his obedience training in the yard where there are natural distractions.  Those are healthy distractions for him.  Since he's young, we train for a short time, then play for a short time.  We do this several times a day.  By doing several short training sessions daily, Rocco doesn't get bored.  In between training sessions, he gets to play "ball" as a reward.


Playing "ball" is hysterical.  I have lousy shoulders as you already know, Invisible Reader.  I can't really throw the ball well anymore.  Rocco doesn't care.  He'll chase it even if it only goes five feet.  He brings it back to me and then the fun begins again until my shoulder is hanging at my side and I just can't do it anymore.


Let's switch our focus, Invisible Reader.  You're used to that with me if you're a regular reader.  If this is your first time reading my blog you'd better get used it.  My mind jumps all over the place which is one of the reasons the word "Ramblings" is included in the title of this blog.


What can the Veterans Administration do for you if you have a service dog?  They can do plenty if you know where to look and in some cases you're ready to fight for what you deserve and have earned.  Let's start at the beginning.  That's always the best place to start, right?  Everything you need to know is listed below.  Almost.

VA CLARIFIES VETERANS’ ASSISTANCE DOG POLICIES, OFFERING BENEFITS FOR NEW AND PREVIOUSLY-DENIED CLAIMS
AMVETS works with VA Prosthetic and Sensory Aides Services to Clarify Title 38 Entitlement
WASHINGTON, April 26, 2010—This week VA clarified a scarcely known benefit in Title 38, offering benefits to veterans using certain types of assistance dogs. AMVETS, which recently called attention to Title 38 Section 1714, successfully received guidelines from VA on how to properly file for the benefit. AMVETS encourages any veteran with an assistance dog, previously denied or awaiting approval of this benefit, to re-apply immediately.

Veterans interested in applying for benefits for their assistance dogs must directly request their VA caseworker to immediately file VA Form 10-2641 (internal use only) and proper accompanying paperwork. A sample copy of the form has been furnished by VA, which you can downloaded below, and printed out by veteran to bring to their next visit to ensure the proper forms are filed and to act as a guide for caseworkers. AMVETS has also provided a link to Title 38, Section 1714, which outlines eligibility criteria for veterans to receive service dog benefits and covered expenses.

VA Prosthetic and Sensory Aides Services, or PSAS, which has recently gone above and beyond in the continued development of the program and the proper implementation of this benefit, has assured AMVETS that claims will be adjudicated within 10 days of receipt of the veteran’s form 10-2641 filed by the veteran’s individual VA caseworker.

The form includes a section outlining the specific tasks performed by the assistance dog. To date, VA does not have the authority to approve applications filed exclusively for PTSD, but is currently conducting a pilot study on the healthcare benefits to veterans for possible inclusion of psychiatric service dogs to Title 38 benefits.

Over the last two weeks, AMVETS members Luis Montalvan, an OEF/OIF veteran, and Kevin Stone, a Paralympic bronze medalist, both received approval of benefits for their assistance dogs Tuesday and Mambo. Montalvan and Stone are the two veterans whom accompanied AMVETS and partner non-profit assistance dog agency Paws With A Cause on recent meetings with legislators and policy-makers in Washington.

All applicants are encouraged to review their cases one on one with their individual caseworker and gather any necessary paperwork prior to the initial filing or re-filing of VA Form 10-2641 to ensure the expected timelines are met. AMVETS commends PSAS for their ongoing efforts in ensuring all veterans with assistance dogs meeting the criteria outlined in Title 38 receive their due entitlements.


VA Form 10-2641 Sample


VA Prosthetics and Sensory Aides Services FAQ on Service Dogs

Title 38, Section 1714 as of April 2010

This comes from the VA Website.  Every Veteran who is interested in obtaining services for their service or guide dog from the VA should read this:

Guide and Service Dogs Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
To support an active and independent lifestyle VA provides benefits for guide and service dogs.  The job of a guide dog is to assist the blind.  A service dog assists someone with a severe to profound hearing impairment or someone with a physical impairment that substantially limits mobility.

1. What is the difference between a guide dog and a service dog?
   
   
2. How do I determine if I am eligible for a service dog through VA?
   
   
3. Does VA actually provide the guide or service dog?
   
   
4. If it is determined that I am eligible for a service dog, what benefits does VA provide for my guide or service dog?
   
   
5. Does a service dog serve the same function(s) as Animal Assisted Therapy or Animal Assisted Activity dogs?
   
   

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1.  What is the difference between a guide dog and a service dog?

A guide dog is trained to assist the blind.  A service dog is trained to help those with severe to profound hearing loss by alerting the individual to a variety of sounds or someone with a physical impairment that substantially limits mobility  by assisting in the performance of a wide variety of tasks depending on need and training (e.g. opening doors, retrieving, etc.).

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2.  How do I determine if I am eligible for a service dog through VA?

To receive any type of medical service through VA, you must register at the Health Administration/enrollment section of a VA Medical Center or online:  http://vabenefits.vba.va.gov/vonapp/main.asp. Once registered, a referral to a specialist may be requested through the assigned VA primary care provider. The Veteran's VA medical team will perform a complete clinical evaluation to determine how best to assist the Veteran.  Each guide and service dog request is reviewed and evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

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3.  Does VA actually provide the guide or service dog?

 No. Veterans approved for guide or service dogs are referred to accredited agencies.  Many of these organizations do not charge for the dog or the dog's training.
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4.  If it is determined that I am eligible for a service dog, what benefits does VA provide for my guide or service dog?

VA will pay for veterinary care and the equipment (e.g. harness and/or backpack) required for optimal use of the dog. Veterinary care includes prescribed medications, office visits for medical procedures, and dental procedures where the dog is sedated (one sedated dental procedure will be covered annually). Vaccinations should be current when the dog is provided to the Veteran through an accredited agency. Subsequent vaccinations will be covered by VA. Prescribed food will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis.

Veterinary care does not include over-the-counter medications, food, treats and nonsedated dental care. Flea and tick medications are considered over-the-counter and are the responsibility of the Veteran along with over-the-counter dental care products (bones, dental treats, etc.). Grooming, boarding and other routine expenses are not covered.

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5.  Does a service dog serve the same function(s) as Animal Assisted Therapy or Animal Assisted Activity dogs?

No. Animal Assisted Therapy and Animal Assisted Activity dogs are used either to assist therapists to accomplish therapeutic goals or for general engagement of the patients.  Neither type of dogs is for personal use by the Veteran. They are used only in a medical setting.

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I'm attacking this through my ILP plan.  The problem is that this is such a new program that you have to be very aggressive or you're not going to get any help from the VA.  I just received an email from my Voc Rehab counselor that she's going to add my service dog into my ILP plan.  That means the VA will be paying for anything that I need for him within the limits of the program.

If you aren't in Voc Rehab or the ILP, all you need to do is have either your primary care physician or psychologist/psychiatrist, fill out the required VA Form 10-2641 (it's an in house form) stating your service dog is a medical necessity.  The form then goes to the Prosthetics section.  According to the news article on the AMVETS website, Prosthetics has ten days to respond.


This is a good start for you, Invisible Reader.  I've given you plenty to read and digest.  It's not easy to get a service dog.  Each year there are 25,000 applications submitted nationally for service dogs.  Unfortunately, there are only 2500 service dogs ready to be placed in homes each year.  You have to be careful when you apply for a service dog.  Do your homework.  Make sure the schools you apply to are ADI accredited schools.  America's VetDogs, Canine Companions for Independence, Inc., Service Dogs of Florida, Inc., are all good schools.  There are a lot more out there, Invisible Reader.  I encourage you to apply to as many schools as possible.  You may be accepted by some and rejected by others.  Don't put all your eggs in one basket.  If you're looking for info on Psychiatric Service Dogs, this is the place to get information.  Another good source is this blog post by Angela Peacock.


The internet has tons of information, Invisible Reader.  I've collected a lot of information by researching it myself and networking with other service dog owners.  I'll be keeping you up to date on our progress and in time, I'll organize my bookmarks and I'll post them here for you.  If you'd like to see them there are pictures of Rocco and I on my Facebook page from some of our training sessions. Just send me a friend request  and add a message to your request that you're a blog reader. I try to keep track of where my "friends" are coming from.

One last request, Invisible Reader, before I sign off.  Most of these places give these dogs away for free.  However, on average it costs $38,000 to buy, feed, train, house and purchase equipment for a service dog while it's in training.  If you can, please donate to the service dog school of your choice.  These are nonprofit schools and your donation is tax deductible.The school will appreciate it and so will the recipient of the dog when the dog is ready to be placed.  Most schools place these dogs for free.  My school, Service Dogs of Florida, doesn't charge the handlers for the dog even though it costs them a small fortune to train these dogs and get them ready for placement.  Look deep into your heart, Invisible Reader.  I know times are tough right now.  But if you can help ..... please do.  You won't be sorry.


Until the next time, Invisible Reader ....

Good News about my Independent Living Program Plan!

This is a story that began in October 2008.  I've written a couple of blogs about my fight to get into the Independent Living Program.  You can find those blogs in the archives.  The last time I wrote about the ILP was in August of last year when I thought I was going to Orlando to sign off on my plan.  How wrong I was.

My Voc Rehab counselor has spent the last several months giving me excuse after excuse after excuse telling me why my plan has not been completely developed.  She's given me excuses why she's not given it to her boss for approval.  She's given me excuses why it's not been sent to the St Pete VA Regional Office for approval or disapproval.  Her excuses have been that she's over worked, her office is under staffed, she's been sick, they don't have contracts approved, she's been busy on site visits and she's asked me to be patient.  I have been very patient.  I've tried to be understanding.  I've been in her office and I've seen the files stacked on her desk.  I know how heavy her case load is.

That said ... I finally reached my breaking point.  This has dragged out long enough.  I was approved for Voc Rehab benefits in November of 2008 and here it is February 2010 and I don't have a firm, signed plan.  I have received zero benefits from Voc Rehab.  Recently, I sat down at my computer and I wrote my Voc Rehab Counselor an email.  I told her that I am tired of waiting for help.  I told her that I am starting to believe I will never receive help from Voc Rehab and I told her that I have lost all faith in her and "the system".  I told her I couldn't understand why OIF/OEF Vets were receiving their GI Bill money and I couldn't get my benefits, too.  I asked her, was there nothing left over for Voc Rehab?  Was my request being ignored in favor of returning Vets?  I told her that I was tired of her excuses and I told her to "quit blowing smoke up my butt".

The next day I received an email from her.  Within one week, my packet had been sent to St Pete VARO.  It's been approved and finally, this coming Friday, February 5, 2010, I have an appointment to see my Voc Rehab counselor to sign off on my Voc Rehab Independent Living Program Plan.

What does all this mean?  It means I will finally get a laptop computer.  I sit on my PC all day long right now and by the end of the day my legs look like sausages.  Not good.  I'll be getting one of those recliners that lifts you up into a standing position.  The recliner means I can work on the laptop all day with my legs elevated ... no more sausage legs.  And, no more struggling to stand up from a sitting position.  I'll be getting a new, therapeutic bed.  I have arthritis in all muy joints and when I wake up in the morning I hurt like hell.  Hopefully the new bed will help me to sleep better and make it less painful for me in the morning.  I'm getting a mobility scooter and one of those fancy carriers for my car.  No more using those cheap ones in the stores that die 5 minutes after you get into them because the store personnel failed to charge the batteries.  I'm getting other stuff, too, but those are the most important items.

The ILP isn't all about getting items to make my life more comfortable.  It's a two fold program and I think I explained that in my previous blogs.  The second part is to get you back out into society.  Sometimes that's putting you into a part time job .... if you can handle it.  Sometimes it's doing volunteer work.  For me, we've opted for a volunteer track.  I want to take a course and train to become a certified Veterans Advocate.  It's a hefty goal but it's something I can do at home at my own pace.  Voc Rehab will pay for that.  Pretty cool, don't you think?

I'm excited, Invisible Reader.  I've waited a long time for this.  My counselor said to be patient and for the most part, I have been.  That patience has paid off and now I'm going to reap the benefits of the ILP.  I'll keep you posted, Invisible Reader.  In the meantime, if you have questions, feel free to contact me.  I'll do what I can to help you.

Until the next time ....

My knee since the Total Knee Replacement

I've been fighting for increases in my disability rating since my first rating of 20% in 1994 when I retired from the Army. It's been a long, slow battle. Over the course of the last 15 years I have gone from 20 % to 50% to 70% to 80% and back down to 70%. They reduced me back to 70% after my total knee replacement (TKR) because they "assumed" my knee would no longer be unstable. I was supposed to be scheduled for a C&P the 13th month after my TKR and that never happened. The reduction came automatically and no one ever did an exam on my knee.

The fact of the matter is my TKR failed miserably. The VA was unable to fit me into their surgery schedule so I was outsourced to the Florida Orthopedic Institute. After months of physical therapy with little progress, I knew something was wrong. The TKR was the 8th surgery I'd had on my left knee. I know my knee and I know my body. I know when something isn't right. I started complaining. I started complaining LOUDLY. I was still in an incredible amount of pain. My knee was still giving out all the time. My knee was still swollen all the time. My right knee was taking all my weight and it was starting to get worse.

My primary care physician sent me for xrays and a CT scan. The CT scan showed some abnormalities in the left knee. Finally they sent me back to the surgeon at Florida Orthopedic. He came in the exam room and asked me a couple of questions. He didn't look at the xrays. He didn't look at the CT Scan results. He didn't lay his hands on my knee. He barely listened to my complaints. He told me to "lose some weight" (I'd already lost 30 pounds since surgery), get some exercise (I'd already been through 6 months of physical therapy) and then he released me to go back to work. He told me there was nothing more that he could do for me.

I was still on major pain meds. I couldn't even drive myself to appointments because I didn't feel safe behind the wheel of a car. I was in so much pain I could hardly walk. I have to sit for an hour & elevate my legs for an hour to keep my knees, legs and ankles from swelling like sausages. And that crazy doctor wanted me to go back to work. I left his office very upset as you might imagine.

I went back to my primary care physician and kept complaining. She sent me to the pain clinic and eventually I ended up where I am now --- on all these drugs and on all this morphine. Earlier this year I saw a PA in the Ortho Clinic for my left shoulder. My shoulders are all screwed up because of the knee that was replaced. My knee gives out on me frequently. When it does, I fall. When I fall I somehow always manage to land on one shoulder or the other. And it seems I'm never near anything soft when I fall so I always land on the ground and I fall hard. The doctors want me to use a walker for obvious safety reasons but my shoulders are so painful and I've lost so much range of motion in them that I can't support myself on one. I have to use a cane. On Friday I see a surgeon to schedule surgery for my left shoulder and the right one isn't far behind. But I'm straying off topic.

When I saw the shoulder PA, he was asking me about my knee since it's the reason that I fall. He asked me who did the surgery and I told him. I also told him I don't want to go back to see him because he told me that there's nothing more that he can do for me. Those were the doctors exact words. "There is nothing more that I can do for you." The PA was very cynical about the doctors at Florida Orthopedic and basically told me that once they get their money for surgery they want nothing to do with the Veterans in terms of after care. I believe it. The PA said to me, "We have a very good knee specialist right here in the VA. I'll make sure you see him." I was thrilled. For the first time in two years I had hope! He called the unit secretary and had her set it up.

About two weeks later, I get a call from Rita Hall who is a caseworker at Haley VA. She was preparing my paperwork to outsource me back to Florida Orthopedic to see my original surgeon. I told her I didn't want to see him because he'd already told me there was nothing more he could do for me, so why waste the money on a consult. I told her I wanted to see the knee specialist in the VA Ortho Clinic. Well, it turns out that he saw the consult, reviewed my records, saw that Florida Orthopedic had done the original TKR and he refused to see me. He was the one who wanted me sent back to Florida Orthopedic. Apparently, he doesn't want to clean up someone else's mistake.

I finally have an appointment in the Ortho Clinic to see a knee doctor. He's a second rate knee doctor & I've seen him before. He's got a lousy reputation in the Ortho clinic, even among the doctors up there. But, he's done me right in the past. He was the one who gave me the connection in my medical records to get me service connection for my right knee. He will write just about anything that I ask him to & he will use the wording that I ask him to use. He may be a second rate doctor, but he's definitely a Veterans Advocate. I've been trying for years to service connect my right knee. I had the opportunity when I first retired and they denied me, but back then I had no help and I was very naive about the whole process. I wish I knew then what I know now but hindsight is always 20/20. It's just too bad that I'll be seeing him after my C&P this week.

I'm at my wits end with the VA. I've got doctors telling me they can't find anything wrong with my knee, yet it buckles all the time, it's still very swollen two years post-op, it's still extremely painful two years post-op and I have zero quality of life because of it. It's affected every part of my life and my body. My shoulders are now so painful from falling that when I go to bad at night, I pack soft pillows under them just to be able to sleep. I sleep on my back all night long. I don't roll over at all when I sleep. Ever. It's too painful to try to sleep on either side. I can't reach above me, behind me or to either side. Reaching in front is painful, too. You should see me sitting here typing. It won't be long before I develop carpal tunnel syndrome. As it is, I have tingling in my hands and arms when I wake up and now I'm supposed to sleep in hand braces -- both hands. Because I carry my weight on the right side of my body, my right knee is getting worse. It needs replacement, too, but until I do something about the instability of my left knee, I'm terrified of having surgery on my right knee. If I fall after surgery & damage the right knee, I could do permanent damage. Where does that leave me?

I need help dressing, showering, and help with all my daily living needs. I can't leave the house unless I have someone to drive me. The powers that be at the Haley VA Hospital say I don't meet the qualifications for a mobility scooter. I'm enrolled in the Independent Living Program under Vocational Rehabilitation and my Counselor is trying to "back door" me one, plus a lift for my car through ILP. Hopefully we'll be able to pull it off. All she needs is for my PCP to say that I need it. Fortunately, my PCP is in my corner and I'm sure I can get her to put it in my medical records that it's a medical necessity. My PCP is as frustrated with the system as I am.

I still have hope that the system will work for me. I have some good people in my corner at the VA Hospital. I have an awesome Voc Rehab Counselor who is fighting for me. Maybe I'm looking at the world through rose colored glasses but I have to have something to believe in.

Tomorrow I have two C&P exams. I'm hoping they go smoothly and I have good doctors. If they are male doctors, I'm going to have a problem. I have a fear of male doctors so I will be demanding a female chaperon before the exams commence. If you've read my blog, you'll know that I was sexually assaulted by an active duty gyn doctor during a routine examination when I was stationed in Germany. That doesn't exactly give you much faith in doctors.

On a more positive note, I got a call yesterday from my social security caseworker. I submitted my application for social security disability in January. By May, I had completed all the exams they wanted. I sent them copies of all my VA Medical Records for the last ten years. When the caseworker called yesterday, she said Atlanta had sent back my employment packet for some clarifications of my work history. We were able to get that all fixed via phone interview. She is going to fix the packet and transmit it back to Atlanta this week. I asked her, based on her experience, if she thought I had a chance of winning my case the first time through. She said she is fairly certain it's going to be approved. When I applied for SSD, I applied for it using the same issues that I applied to the VA for 100% IU. Social Security has copies of all my award letters so they know that I am 70% service connected. Since they are expediting military claims I suspect I will hear something by the end of the year at the very latest. Keep your fingers crossed.

Those are my thoughts for today.

Until the next time ....

Update on my Independent Living Program

Yesterday was a long day. My Voc Rehab Counselor is in Orlando, about a two hour ride from here. My ride was picking me up at 7:30. For me to be ready to go at 7:30, I had to wake up at 5:30. Why so early? When I get up in the morning, I'm in agonizing pain. I get out of bed and go straight to the bathroom to take my meds. I wash them down with a mouthful of water and on a regular day, I go back to bed and wait for pain relief before I start my day. However, since I had to get ready to leave the house, going back to bed wasn't an option yesterday morning. I couldn't chance going back to sleep. I sat down at the computer for an hour and a half, opened up a diet coke and waited for pain relief. Once my joints started to feel some relief, I got up and got dressed. I thought briefly about showering but Terri was asleep and I didn't want to wake her up. I need her help to shower. Thank goodness for baby wipes. Perfect for those quick clean ups.

My ride was here on time and at 7:30 we headed out to Orlando. I used to love to go on road trips. Now I hate them. Rather, now I hate the pain I'm in from riding in the car. I can't get comfortable in the car. What's worse is I can't ride in the back seat to stretch out because I get car sick. So I suffer through sitting in the front without elevating my legs. By the time I reach my destination, my legs are swollen and painful. A normal two hour ride isn't two hours anymore. I have to stop multiple times to stretch my legs. Oh yeah, I have to pee, too. I have cotton mouth from all the meds I take so I pee. A lot.

We got to the Voc Rehab office in Orlando just past 10 o'clock. Not too bad considering all the stops we made. I signed in and the clerk behind the counter was reading a novel. He never even looked up at me. That's what we pay our civil servants to do. Sit behind a counter, read novels and ignore Veterans. Of course I had to interrupt him. I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I asked him where my counselor was. He responded by asking me if I had an appointment. I told him I did and he wanted to know what time my appointment was. I told him I had driven in from Spring Hill and the arrangement I had with Hollie was that my appointment was whatever time I arrived. He told me to take a seat and that he'd try to locate her, but of course I stood there long enough to be sure he didn't stick his nose back in his novel.

Almost 30 minutes went by. I hobbled back up to the clerk & he was back with his nose in his book. I asked him if he'd found Hollie. That's when I saw her at the copy machine. She told me to hang on and she'd be right with me.

Finally, we went back to Hollie's office. At last I was going to get some answers! I like Hollie. She's been an awesome counselor so far. She's a good advocate for me. She had all my recent medical records pulled off the computer and we talked about those. We talked about my "diluted urine" and she's as pissed off about that as I am (Pun not intended). She told me the same thing that everyone else has said. She told me to demand a witness when I piss in the bottle. She told me to use the voice recorder when I request a test monitor. She's not an MD but she looked at the lab results. She said that all the results fall within normal limits so she doesn't see what the big deal is about the diluted urine.

I told her that my psychologist wants me to start making jewelry because I had mentioned to the psychologist that I used to make jewelry in high school. The stuff the psychologist wants me to do is very different from what I did back as a teen. When I made jewelry, I worked with silver and semi-precious stones. I cut all my own stones and designed my own jewelry. I worked with sheets of silver and soldered my own stuff. It was simple but it was beautiful. The stuff my psychologist is talking about is beading and hell, I don't know. But it's nothing that I know how to do & it's nothing I'm interested in learning. If I can get back into what I used to do, perhaps I can get the VA to build me a shop and provide me with all the tools I need to get back into it under the ILP.

For now though, we talked about my basic needs under the Independent Living Program. Because my memory sucks so bad, I tried to keep notes, but we were talking so fast I couldn't keep up. Hollie was taking extensive notes. When we finished talking, I asked her for a copy of her notes. Guess what she told me. Her notes were a part of my permanent record and if I wanted a copy I had to go to Release of Information to request a copy of them. I was flabbergasted. So, I guess my next project is to send a request to the VA and ask for a complete copy of my Voc Rehab records. I'd like to get a good look at them.

I thought when I went yesterday that I was going to sign my plan. That was the impression I was given. Of course, when dealing with the Government, we all know how that goes. Mostly what we did was TALK about my plan and what I wanted from it. I left there with "homework." Some of the things that are going into my plan that I'm hoping to get are a new bed, a lift chair, a recumbent stationary bicycle, a laptop coputer, a mobility scooter, and a lift for my SUV for the scooter. I've also asked for some ergonomic furniture. For the computer, I asked for some genealogy software (a family project I'm working on), voice activated software, Quickbooks, and Microsoft Office. They are going to send a Rehab Engineer to my house to check out my bathroom. I need a new commode, shower rails and the shower floor needs to be raised. They also need to get rid of the sliding glass doors. I have fallen in the shower multiple times and I just know that my luck is going to run out. One of these times I'm going to fall through those sliding glass doors. Will I get service connected when it slices my head clean off my neck? Won't that be one helluva battle.

My "homework" is pretty simple. I get to research lift chairs and pick out the one I want. I have to research voice activated software and pick out the one I want. The best one is I get to go bed shopping. Hollie told me to go out to the bed stores and just try out beds until I find one that I like. I know I can do that.

Oh! I forgot to tell you something else I asked for! I love to kayak. I have one that someone gave to me. It's a sit on top. It takes three people to put me in it. No shit. Three people. Terri ties a tow rope on it, attaches it to her kayak and then she does all the work. I can't paddle because my shoulders are too messed up. So, I asked for a trolling motor. The reasoning I gave is that it's a social outlet. It gets me out of the house so that I can spend time with friends. It's the only really "out there" request that I asked for.

The next step is Hollie has to write up everything we discussed yesterday and put it into my plan. Once that is completed she will send it to me to sign. After I sign it, she'll submit it for approval. Until then .... I wait. It seems I'm always waiting.

In the mean time, I've started my dear friend David down this path. Whatever path I embark on, as soon as I figure out how it works, I send him down the same path. He went to see his service officer today to inquire about enrolling in Voc Rehab. His service officer doesn't want him to enroll in Voc Rehab. It makes me wonder if his service officer knows about the Independent Living Program. My service officers insisted I enroll in Voc Rehab when I applied for 100% IU as a show of good faith. As I stated before I was reluctant to do it, but I'm glad that I did. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Service Officers don't follow the same protocol. Maybe they should.

Something else to ponder. I found out last night that I may have been exposed to Agent Orange while I was in basic training at Ft McClellan, Alabama in 1976. Like I don't already have enough to worry about?

Until the next time ....

An overview of my current battle. Some history.

I wrote the following some time ago but I feel it's the appropriate first post for my blog. It's a general overview of my current battle with the VA. In time I'll go into further detail. I am also enrolled in the Independent Living Plan of the Vocational Rehab Program and I want to chronicle how that is going as well. Bear with me, invisible reader. We will get through this together. I hope you will learn from my adventures.


I filed for my initial rating in 1994 when I first retired from the Army. First rating was returned at 20%. It took 14 months to come back. I was naive about the system back then or I would've filed a NOD because they totally screwed me on service connection for my left shoulder and right knee. I applied and was approved for Vocational Rehab. That took another 12 months to get approved. I used it to go to school. I earned a degree in psychology and used that degree as a management tool. I worked in the animal care field managing veterinary hospitals and animal boarding facilities until I could physically no longer work in that field due to my service connected disabilities in 2005.

As I got older, my service connected disabilities worsened. While I was living in Albuquerque I reopened my claim and requested an increase in my rating based on continuing treatment of my service connected disabilities. My left knee had gotten worse -- arthritis had settled in. My IBS was out of control -- I suffer from chronic diarrhea. I have impingement syndrome in my right shoulder and I have lost range of motion because it has gotten worse. I have broken several teeth and continue to wear a bite guard due to bruxism (I was diagnosed with it while on active duty). That came back and my disability rating was increased to 50%. That was approved in Jan of 2006. It took almost two years alone just to get the bruxism approved. No one seemed to know what bruxism was or who was supposed to handle a dental claim. When the bruxism was approved, they also approved TMJ as a secondary condition. I didn't even know that I had TMJ.

In November 2006 I had to go in for knee surgery. My left knee had gotten progressively worse. Months of physical therapy and the use of a brace hadn't helped it. There was so much damage to my left knee and so much scar tissue they had a difficult time getting into the actual capsule to look behind my knee cap. What they saw was not pretty. They cleaned out some of the scar tissue but that was all they could do at that point in time. I was diagnosed with Degenerative Joint Disease and Grade 4 Chrondomalacia. A complication of that surgery was a loss of range of motion and the beginning of chronic pain. My doctor advised me that in 6 months, after I healed from that surgery, I would have to go back in for a total knee replacement. However, because I moved to Florida in February 2007, I had to start the medical process all over again at the Tampa VA.

Because of the surgery in November 2006, I was unable to perform the duties of my job. I was a civilian Army recruiter. I couldn't drive a government vehicle because of the pain medications. I was on crutches and couldn't carry my recruiting "gorilla" bag. You cannot be an effective recruiter from behind a desk. I was unable to get to my schools, go to parent conferences, recruit on the streets, etc. I left that job and have not worked since. I moved to Florida in Feb 2007 and attempted to find work, but when you go on a job interview and you walk in using a cane and wearing a knee brace, no matter what your qualifications are, most employers aren't interested. To be honest, I wouldn't hire me. I knew that I was waiting to go into surgery for a knee replacement and I'd be out for a couple of months anyway. That didn't make me a good candidate anywhere. When I walked in for an interview I could see it in the eyes of the manager conducting the interview. I have enough of an HR background to know they can't ask about my physical abilities but they are legally entitled to ask if I can meet the physical qualifications required to perform the job I am being considered for. I was honest with potential employers. I let them know up front that I would be going in for knee replacement and would be out for a couple of months. All I received were letters of rejection stating they had hired a candidate more qualified to fill the position.

At that point, I reopened my claim again for another increase due to chronic pain, the diagnosis of DJD, grade 4 chrondomalacia, and knee instability. My claim was approved and my rating was increased to 80%. That was approved in June 2007, the same month that I went in for a total knee replacement but I didn't get the approval letter until October of 2007.

After the knee replacement, I went on Temp 100% until August of 2008. Effective September 1, 2008, my rating was decreased to 70% because they said that my knee should be stable because it had been replaced. Not one ortho doctor ever examined my knee or asked me how I was doing. They never called me back for a Comp & Pension exam to reevaluate my knee like they were supposed to do. If they had, they would have seen that the surgery had failed miserably.

I take 90mg's of morphine, 600mgs of topomax and 7.5 mgs of mobic just to get through each day. My doctor wanted to put me on oxycodone for break through pain but that stuff makes me high and I don't want it. I'd rather deal with the pain. As it is, I struggle just to stay awake through the day with all the meds that I have to take.

I can no longer live alone. My shoulders are so screwed up from falling that I can't lift my left arm to wash my own hair. The VA has outsourced me to the Florida Orthopedic Institute (FOI) for surgery on my left shoulder. Haley VA is so backlogged they can't get me in for surgery until October or November. I am scheduled to see the FOI Surgeon on 21 August. It's been so long since I was able to move my left arm because of pain that my left arm has started to atrophy. My right shoulder isn't too far behind it. I've already had one injection of cortisone in my right shoulder. It's my understanding the max you can have in any joint is three. The falls are not from the medications that I take. The falls are due to the failed left knee replacement. My knee buckles without warning and when I fall, I always manage to land hard on one shoulder or the other. My primary care physician and my pain management doctor want me to use a walker for safety reasons but my shoulders are so painful that I can't support myself on a walker. I do the best that I can on a cane. My primary care physician put in a request for a motorized scooter for me but I don't meet the quals for one. She wrote a consult to send me to the "Falls Clinic" but they are so back logged that my appointment isn't until September.

My partner helps me to dress and undress. She has to help me in and out of the shower. She has to wash my hair for me. She does my laundry for me because I can't carry a laundry basket to the laundry room. I can't cook for myself because I forget that the stove is on and I am afraid of burning down the house. My doctor has forbidden me to drive and has written that in my medical records. When we go shopping, I have to ride in a motorized cart. I can't push a shopping cart anymore. If I sit for more than 30 minutes at a time my legs begin to swell and my ankles turn to cankles. I have been issued compression stockings but they don't help much. Sitting at the desktop computer is painful and uncomfortable but I broke my laptop recently. My knee gave out when I stood up and as I was falling I hit my computer stand on the way down and my laptop hit the floor and broke. If we are in a public place and the handicapped stall is not available and I can't wait to use the restroom, Terri has to help me down onto the toilet. When I am finished, she has to lift me off the toilet.

Last October 2008 I applied for 100% based on Individual Unemployability. As a show of good faith, I also applied for Vocational Rehabilitation. You can use Voc Rehab more than once if your circumstances have changed drastically since the last time you went through the program and mine have. I wanted to go back to school for my Master's in Social Work. I would love nothing more than to work with veterans like myself. Voc Rehab put me into an extended evaluation program for several months to monitor my health issues before making a decision on my case. Each month, my health has continued to deteriorate. My Voc Rehab counselor worked very closely with my primary care physician. My Voc Rehab counselor has access to all my VA Health care records so it's not like I can go in there every month and bullshit her. She sees the records in black and white. After four months of seeing no progress in my health, in fact, a steady decline in my physical and emotional health, I was turned down for the school portion of Voc Rehab. It makes good sense if you think about it. I can't drive to school. I can't concentrate. I am in way too much pain to sit, stand or do much of anything for more than a very short period of time. Why waste the money on sending me to school? My Voc Rehab Counselor issued what's called a Feasibility Letter and and sent it to the VA Regional Office for inclusion in my disability packet. What the letter says is that I am not a candidate to return to school or gainful employment. The next step is the Independent Living Track. My Voc Rehab Counselor drew up paperwork to have a contracted Social Worker come to the house to evaluate me at home to determine what I need at home to make it more handicapped friendly. I already have shower bars, a raised toilet and a shower chair but those are temporary fixes. This hasn't been a speedy process either. My Voc Rehab Counselor drew up the paperwork for the social worker evaluation three months ago. The Social Worker finally, two weeks ago, came to my house and did her evaluation. She made her recommendation to my Voc Rehab counselor that I be given a laptop computer so that I can elevate my legs when I am online. She recommended that a Rehab Engineer come to my house to evaluate my bathroom for renovations to make it easier for me to get in and out of the shower. She recommended that a new, raised toilet be permanently installed. The one that I have in my bathroom now is not stable, safe or sanitary. She recommended to my Voc Rehab Counselor that I be given a motorized scooter and a lift for my vehicle. She says that I am socially isolated and that if I have a motorized scooter, I can at least get to a bus stop so that I can get out of the house on my own. My Voc Rehab counselor agreed with all of these recommendations but due to training she has to attend, she will not be able to start working on any of this until the beginning of August. Because the VARO has not approved my claim for 100%, I am only eligible for a one time grant of $4200 for home renovations. Anything above and beyond that, because I am in the Independent Living Track of Voc Rehab, Voc Rehab will foot the bill.

If I get approved for 100% that opens up a whole new realm of benefits that will help take the burden of caring for me off of Terri. We struggle financially for one. I know, who isn't in this economy? Our house needs renovations because eventually I will be in a chair. They are renovations that neither of us have money for. The VA will pay for that and that's a huge relief for us. We have two boys in college right now and money is tight.

The reason I'm pissed is because the VA is lying about the processing time. The average processing time is NOT 179 days. Ask any veteran who has been waiting to get a claim through in the last 8 years and they will tell you. Veterans pay good money in lifetime dues to the VFW, the American Legion & the DAV. Those organizations prepare our claims for us and represent us in our claims yet they do nothing when the VA tells John Q Public that they are processing claims in 180 days. Someone is lining their pockets with a lot of money to keep quiet.

Yes, part of the backlog problem is the new veterans of Iraq & Afghanistan. They are getting preferential treatment when it comes to processing their claims and it's pissing off a lot of us older veterans. Their claims are being pushed to the front of the cue while ours keep getting pushed further and further back in the cue. Turn around time for the new veterans is about 4 months thanks to something called Tier Two. Tier Two is causing a huge division in Veterans. It's becoming an us against them young'uns issue. Older veterans are dying because of it. And as soon as a Veteran dies, the VA stops processing their claims. By law, the claim is to continue processing because the surviving spouse is due any back pay owed to the deceased veteran. Case in point, read the story of Irish Brennan, a female Vietnam Veteran who passed away recently. Google it. I'm also fairly certain I published her story on my Facebook page somewhere.

The St Pete, FL, VA Regional Office which is processing my claim has the largest backlog of claims over 180 days in the United States according to the Monday Morning Workload Report. It's no wonder I've been waiting since October 2008 for my claim to process.

One more issue I am dealing with and this is very recent. First, let me give you some background. Over the last few months, I have been in touch with a lot of veterans who are victims of Military Sexual Trauma. I am working with a group of them, trying to help them fight for benefits. MST is difficult to prove because the burden of proof is on the victim. Because most victims are diagnosed with PSTD, military shrinks refuse to acknowledge and assign a diagnosis of PTSD to women because their belief is that PTSD is only caused by combat service. And we all know, women aren't allowed to be in combat, right?

Seven weeks ago, I was sitting on my bed and out of the clear blue I had a flashback. It came out of nowhere and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried for two solid days. Now, seven weeks later, it's flinging around in my head like a boomerang and I still don't know what to do with it. My VA psychiatrist thinks the flashback was triggered by my close contact with all the women victims of MST I've been in touch with recently. I had locked this memory up nice and tight and safe and away in a place where it couldn't touch me. For whatever reason, it chose seven weeks ago to reach out and touch me.

I was stationed in Vilsek, Germany at Rose Barracks from December 1981 to Feb 1984. It was either early 82 or 83 that I went in for my annual pap smear and birth control refill. I was young, early 20's, and thought doctors were to be trusted. The doctor told me to get into the gown and get on the table so I did as I was told. I was an E4 and he was an O3, I believe, so there was also that whole military rank thing going on. There was no nurse or other chaperon in the room and I didn't think anything of it. During the internal portion of the exam, the doctor said to me, "I'm going to push down on your ovaries. You tell me if this hurts." He pushed down so hard that I screamed out in pain and started to cry. He said to me, "Remember that. That's what it feels like when you kick a man in the balls." I didn't stay to complete the exam. I got off the table, got dressed and left the TMC. When I got back to my duty section I was in hysterics. My husband asked me what was wrong and I told him everything. He wanted to go back to the TMC and kill the guy. Instead of doing that, we reported the doctor through the appropriate channels. I remember writing up a statement and having to turn it in. I don't know what happened to the doctor, but he was gone by the following week.

For twenty years I have been terrified of male doctors. I can't be in a room with one by myself and if I am, I can't get a single word out of my mouth. Until I had that flashback, I never knew why. I repressed that memory for 20 years. I won't sit here and tell you that I have PTSD. I don't have anger issues or any of the clinical signs of PTSD that I have seen in my friends that I know have PTSD. I will not put in a claim for PTSD. But I have suffered Military Sexual Trauma. Will I put in a claim for it? I don't know. I have contacted my ex-husband and he doesn't remember the incident. He was a very heavy drinker back in those days. I'm lucky he remembers being married to me. I have written to St Louis and requested a copy of my medical records because the incident was recorded in them when it happened. Hopefully it wasn't removed from them by someone trying to cover that officer's ass.

Now I can begin to wrap things up for you. I reopened my claim in October 2008. I requested 100% IU with Aid & Attendance. I requested an increase in my left knee. I requested service connection for my right knee as a secondary condition. I have a statement from a VA ortho surgeon stating that my right knee now needs to be replaced because they harvested parts from the right knee in an attempt to repair the left knee. The right knee is now arthritic and has grade four chrondomalacia. I also requested service connection for depression as a secondary condition. I have been under the care of a VA psychiatrist for over two years now with a diagnosis of major depressive disorder. It is caused by my service connected health issues.


In December 2008 I received a letter from the VA telling me they had received my claim and needed some additional forms from me along with some additional evidence. I sent all that in. In April 2009 they sent me another letter requesting further information. I sent that in as well. In early June 2009 they told me that I had amended my claim to ADD aid & attendance and that my claim was now back at the bottom of the cue because of that amendment. Fortunately I was able to show proof that Aid & Attendance was part of my original claim dated October 2008. If I had not been able to show proof it would have meant a potential loss of 7 months of back pay if I get approved for aid and attendance.

I did an inquiry via the VA website to get an update on the status of my claim and was told it had gone to the Rating Board on 26 May 09. I waited 30 days and checked again only to be told I had been "misinformed" and that my claim had not been sent to the Rating Board on 26 May. I copied and pasted the response I had received telling me it had been boarded on 26 May and asked for an explanation of the discrepancy. I was told it was a "clerical error."

As of today, all the documents that are needed to send my packet to the Rating Board have been received. They have enough medial evidence to make a decision and they have said I don't need to go in for a physical exam because I am in the doctor's office several times each month. For all intents and purposes, my packet is theoretically sitting on a desk at the VA Regional Office collecting dust while it waits to go before the Rating Board. There is nothing left to do to my packet according to the Regional Office and no one can answer why it isn't before the Rating Board.

Update***

On Friday, I received a letter from the VA dated 8/5/09 directing me to report to the VA Hospital Tuesday, Auguest 29th, for two C& P examinations. Finally I am seeing some progress in my claim. I have two appointments that day although my letter doesn't specify what the exams are. I suspect one is orthopedics and the other is either psychiatry or psychology. It's a step in the right direction.