Not just another MST story

Update, February 15, 2013:  To purchase Katie's book, "My Invisible Injury: Living Life with a Traumatic Brain Injury" please click here.  Thank you!

Hello Friends!

I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine.  We met online several months ago.  Her name is Kate and she's a 25 year old Army Veteran from Indiana.  Kate joined the Army right out of high school.  After completing basic training she was sent to her military occupational specialty (MOS) school, 92M, Mortuary Affairs Specialist.  Not exactly an MOS you want to have during wartime, is it.  Kate is an Iraq War Veteran -- I'll let you put her MOS and being an Iraq War Veteran together in your own head. 

Kate was in the Army for just under two years.  While recovering from surgery due to an injury she suffered while on a training mission, Kate was brutally raped.  Kate was a 20 year old E3 at the time.  Her unit, rather than help her deal with the aftermath of her assault, elected to discharge her from the Army.  They didn't believe that she was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and accused her of "acting out".  Fortunately, the VA believed her and she's properly service connected for PTSD due to military sexual trauma (MST).

Some time after Kate got out of the Army, she had a terrible skateboarding accident.  As a result of that accident, she's spent much of the last two years in and out of the VA Hospital, she's had multiple surgery's trying to put her body back together again, and she's losing her eyesight.  But has that stopped my young friend from moving on with her life?  Hell no.

I have to tell you this.  My young friend Kate is truly an inspiration to me.  When we first started talking she'd been in a wheelchair for almost two years.  After her last surgery, she's finally walking again.  She just completed the Blind Rehab Course at the Hines VA Hospital in Chicago.  She's working on her Bachelor's degree in psychology with help from the VA's Vocational Rehabilitation Program.  Her first book entitled "My Invisible Injury: Life After A Traumatic Brain Injury"  is ready for publication and will be on sale in roughly 45 days.  Be sure to check my blog for updates on that.  No matter what happens to her she cares about her friends and family first and foremost.  This young woman keeps up the good fight and never quits.

Kate's next major project strikes very close to home.  Not just to Kate and I but to 1 in 3 female Veterans as stated by Tammy Duckworth on her last Oprah Show appearance.  What makes it worse is that Ms Duckworth stated that 95% of women don't report this to our superiors.  What am I talking about?  Military Sexual Trauma.  MST.  It's at epidemic levels in the military right now.  It strikes at men and women.  No one is immune.  Kate has decided to put together a book about MST.  She wants your input, my friends.  And she's here to ask for it.  Folks, I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Kate.

Kate bowling.  Nothing stops her.

Tennis anyone?

All dolled up and ready to go.  Meet Kate Paterson.

Hi ladies and gentleman,

My name is Kate Patterson and like all of you I had the terrible experience of military sexual trauma. I have decided that it is an epidemic and I want to write about our experiences.

I feel that this is often put on the back burner. Many vets don't even know they can get compensation for it. I do, a lot of my rating comes from learning that I can get compensation for what I experienced while on active duty!

That day still haunts me and it always will.

But, I am going to take power over it and start a book of short stories from women and men veterans across the United States.

I want people to understand what we have gone through. Because fighting on the battlefield is a memory I can place on the back burner, but sexual trauma I cannot.

I would like to have everyone's stories emailed to me- katieleighpatterson@gmail.com within the next three months.

I am in the process of having my first book published. I have been working on that one for 2 years.

So, you can be anonymous and not have your name associated to your story or you can identify yourself as whomever you would like.

Just let me know!

Thank you all so much,

Kate Patterson

There you have it, my friends.  Straight from Kate herself.  Please, contact her.  Share your story.  As Kate says, you can remain anonymous or not.  It's up to you.  Kate can't do this without your help. Won't you tell her your story?  I'll be putting mine in writing.  If my story helps empower just one intended victim, I'll have done a good thing.  That's how I will be looking at this.  I've blogged about my assaults enough times.  Anyone who has read my blogs is familiar with what happened to me.  If you can't read them because they are triggers, I understand that, too.  Still, I will do my part to help Kate tell this story.  I believe in Kate.

Until the next time ....

Update on my Independent Living Program

Yesterday was a long day. My Voc Rehab Counselor is in Orlando, about a two hour ride from here. My ride was picking me up at 7:30. For me to be ready to go at 7:30, I had to wake up at 5:30. Why so early? When I get up in the morning, I'm in agonizing pain. I get out of bed and go straight to the bathroom to take my meds. I wash them down with a mouthful of water and on a regular day, I go back to bed and wait for pain relief before I start my day. However, since I had to get ready to leave the house, going back to bed wasn't an option yesterday morning. I couldn't chance going back to sleep. I sat down at the computer for an hour and a half, opened up a diet coke and waited for pain relief. Once my joints started to feel some relief, I got up and got dressed. I thought briefly about showering but Terri was asleep and I didn't want to wake her up. I need her help to shower. Thank goodness for baby wipes. Perfect for those quick clean ups.

My ride was here on time and at 7:30 we headed out to Orlando. I used to love to go on road trips. Now I hate them. Rather, now I hate the pain I'm in from riding in the car. I can't get comfortable in the car. What's worse is I can't ride in the back seat to stretch out because I get car sick. So I suffer through sitting in the front without elevating my legs. By the time I reach my destination, my legs are swollen and painful. A normal two hour ride isn't two hours anymore. I have to stop multiple times to stretch my legs. Oh yeah, I have to pee, too. I have cotton mouth from all the meds I take so I pee. A lot.

We got to the Voc Rehab office in Orlando just past 10 o'clock. Not too bad considering all the stops we made. I signed in and the clerk behind the counter was reading a novel. He never even looked up at me. That's what we pay our civil servants to do. Sit behind a counter, read novels and ignore Veterans. Of course I had to interrupt him. I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I asked him where my counselor was. He responded by asking me if I had an appointment. I told him I did and he wanted to know what time my appointment was. I told him I had driven in from Spring Hill and the arrangement I had with Hollie was that my appointment was whatever time I arrived. He told me to take a seat and that he'd try to locate her, but of course I stood there long enough to be sure he didn't stick his nose back in his novel.

Almost 30 minutes went by. I hobbled back up to the clerk & he was back with his nose in his book. I asked him if he'd found Hollie. That's when I saw her at the copy machine. She told me to hang on and she'd be right with me.

Finally, we went back to Hollie's office. At last I was going to get some answers! I like Hollie. She's been an awesome counselor so far. She's a good advocate for me. She had all my recent medical records pulled off the computer and we talked about those. We talked about my "diluted urine" and she's as pissed off about that as I am (Pun not intended). She told me the same thing that everyone else has said. She told me to demand a witness when I piss in the bottle. She told me to use the voice recorder when I request a test monitor. She's not an MD but she looked at the lab results. She said that all the results fall within normal limits so she doesn't see what the big deal is about the diluted urine.

I told her that my psychologist wants me to start making jewelry because I had mentioned to the psychologist that I used to make jewelry in high school. The stuff the psychologist wants me to do is very different from what I did back as a teen. When I made jewelry, I worked with silver and semi-precious stones. I cut all my own stones and designed my own jewelry. I worked with sheets of silver and soldered my own stuff. It was simple but it was beautiful. The stuff my psychologist is talking about is beading and hell, I don't know. But it's nothing that I know how to do & it's nothing I'm interested in learning. If I can get back into what I used to do, perhaps I can get the VA to build me a shop and provide me with all the tools I need to get back into it under the ILP.

For now though, we talked about my basic needs under the Independent Living Program. Because my memory sucks so bad, I tried to keep notes, but we were talking so fast I couldn't keep up. Hollie was taking extensive notes. When we finished talking, I asked her for a copy of her notes. Guess what she told me. Her notes were a part of my permanent record and if I wanted a copy I had to go to Release of Information to request a copy of them. I was flabbergasted. So, I guess my next project is to send a request to the VA and ask for a complete copy of my Voc Rehab records. I'd like to get a good look at them.

I thought when I went yesterday that I was going to sign my plan. That was the impression I was given. Of course, when dealing with the Government, we all know how that goes. Mostly what we did was TALK about my plan and what I wanted from it. I left there with "homework." Some of the things that are going into my plan that I'm hoping to get are a new bed, a lift chair, a recumbent stationary bicycle, a laptop coputer, a mobility scooter, and a lift for my SUV for the scooter. I've also asked for some ergonomic furniture. For the computer, I asked for some genealogy software (a family project I'm working on), voice activated software, Quickbooks, and Microsoft Office. They are going to send a Rehab Engineer to my house to check out my bathroom. I need a new commode, shower rails and the shower floor needs to be raised. They also need to get rid of the sliding glass doors. I have fallen in the shower multiple times and I just know that my luck is going to run out. One of these times I'm going to fall through those sliding glass doors. Will I get service connected when it slices my head clean off my neck? Won't that be one helluva battle.

My "homework" is pretty simple. I get to research lift chairs and pick out the one I want. I have to research voice activated software and pick out the one I want. The best one is I get to go bed shopping. Hollie told me to go out to the bed stores and just try out beds until I find one that I like. I know I can do that.

Oh! I forgot to tell you something else I asked for! I love to kayak. I have one that someone gave to me. It's a sit on top. It takes three people to put me in it. No shit. Three people. Terri ties a tow rope on it, attaches it to her kayak and then she does all the work. I can't paddle because my shoulders are too messed up. So, I asked for a trolling motor. The reasoning I gave is that it's a social outlet. It gets me out of the house so that I can spend time with friends. It's the only really "out there" request that I asked for.

The next step is Hollie has to write up everything we discussed yesterday and put it into my plan. Once that is completed she will send it to me to sign. After I sign it, she'll submit it for approval. Until then .... I wait. It seems I'm always waiting.

In the mean time, I've started my dear friend David down this path. Whatever path I embark on, as soon as I figure out how it works, I send him down the same path. He went to see his service officer today to inquire about enrolling in Voc Rehab. His service officer doesn't want him to enroll in Voc Rehab. It makes me wonder if his service officer knows about the Independent Living Program. My service officers insisted I enroll in Voc Rehab when I applied for 100% IU as a show of good faith. As I stated before I was reluctant to do it, but I'm glad that I did. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Service Officers don't follow the same protocol. Maybe they should.

Something else to ponder. I found out last night that I may have been exposed to Agent Orange while I was in basic training at Ft McClellan, Alabama in 1976. Like I don't already have enough to worry about?

Until the next time ....

A little bit about the Independent Living Plan

I wrote this today in response to an email on a veterans list I'm subscribed to. Someone was asking questions about the Independent Living Program. The Independent Living Program falls under the VA's Vocational Rehab Program and is probably one of the VA's best kept secrets. Used properly, it's a great program. Getting into it is not so easy. First, you have to know about it. Second, you have to apply for Vocational Rehab to get into it. Many veterans are not aware that they can apply to Vocational Rehab even if they are outside the 12 year window after they have been discharged from the military. They aren't aware that they can use Vocational Rehab a second time. They think that since they used Vocational Rehab when they first got out of the service to get a college education they are not eligible to use Voc Rehab a second time. WRONG ANSWER folks.

If your circumstances have changes since the first time you went through the program, you can reapply to Voc Rehab. Read my email response below. If you have questions after you read it, leave me a comment and I'll get back to you.

To get into ILP you first have to apply to Voc Rehab. If you are outside the 12 year window and you used Voc Rehab to get an education like I did when I retired in '94, you can still apply if your circumstances have changed drastically since the last time you were enrolled in Voc Rehab.

I applied to Voc Rehab in October 08 at the same time I applied for 100% IU. I did it as a show of good faith at the urging of my VSO. I didn't have a good experience with Voc Rehab the first time around and I was reluctant to reapply. The first time around my Voc Rehab counselor was very unresponsive to my needs. It wasn't just me either. It was all the veterans at the University I was enrolled in. We all knew each other and of course we all talked on a regular basis. She rarely returned phone calls and getting something we needed out of the program was like pulling teeth. My VSO insisted so I did what every good soldier does and I followed orders and I applied.

I am glad that I reapplied. So far, this is the best thing that has happened to me. I went for my first Voc Rehab orientation last November 08. After about two hours of a general orientation, I sat down with a counselor for a one on one. She had access to my medical records and she had reviewed them extensively. She knew what my service-connected disabilities were and she also knew what my other health issues were. The really great thing about Voc Rehab & the ILP is that it doesn't just focus on your service connected disabilities. Voc Rehab looks at the total person and all your health issues.

My counselor and I talked at great length about what I expected from the program. I told her about my first experience with Voc Rehab and why I was so reluctant to reapply. Because I have so many health issues going on, my counselor and I decided together that the best plan for me was to go into an extended evaluation. The way I was in November, I was in no shape to attempt to go back to school. The plan was for me to work on my health and attempt to get healthy enough to go back to school.

After several months, my health has continued to decline so my counselor issued a Feasibility Letter stating that I am not a candidate for continuing education or retraining nor am I a candidate for gainful employment due to my overall health issues. She sent a copy of that letter to the VARO & I sent a copy of it to be included in my claims packet as additional evidence to support my claim for IU.

The next step was to start me in the ILP. My Voc Rehab counselor did the paperwork to have a Rehab Social Worker interview me in my home to evaluate my needs. That was done in July. The social worker spent about 2 or 3 hours with me. She walked through my house to see what I needed in terms of renovations for handicapped accessibility. She has requested that a Rehab Engineer come to my home because my bathroom needs some major work. Voc Rehab will pay for all of that.

The social worker also requested that I be given a laptop computer. When I sit at a desktop computer, my knees, legs and ankles swell up tremendously making it painful and difficult to walk. She's also recommended that Voc Rehab give me a mobility scooter since I'm having such a hard time getting one from the VA Hospital. On top of that, I have requested a recumbent stationary bicycle so that I can get some cardio exercise, a lift chair since I have a hard time getting out of chairs, and ergonomic furniture. According to Bruce McCartney, I can request just about anything that I want, within reason of course, and if it fits into my plan, I should get it. If I decide I want to take up photography as a hobby, I can request a camera. ILP will pay for a camera. You are only limited by your imagination.

The purpose of ILP is twofold. It's designed to get you back into the community as a productive member of society and it's designed to help you get what you need to live more independently. I can't drive anymore. The nearest bus stop is exactly one mile from my house. I can't walk to it. I have a regular wheelchair, but my shoulders are so screwed up that I can't roll myself to get to it. Basically, unless a friend or my caregiver take me somewhere, I have become very isolated in my home. The computer is my link to the outside world. My Voc Rehab counselor is trying to get me back into the community. That's one of the goals of my plan.

I have an appointment on the 17th of August to sign my ILP plan so I'll know more then. I'll be happy to keep you posted on the details if you'd like. I just started a blog. I'm new to blogging but I thought it might be an easy way to chronicle my battle with the VA rather than inundate the lists with long emails like this one. I'll add the link to my signature once I get it up and running.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them. The Independent Living Program is out there. As it says in the article, it's just not advertised. It falls under Vocational Rehab. Too many veterans think that because they are outside the 12 year window or they have already used Voc Rehab, they can't use it. I'm here to tell you, you can go back into Voc Rehab. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't use it twice. Don't let anyone tell you that because you're outside the 12 year window you can't apply. I retired from the Army in 1994. It's 2009. You do the math.

An overview of my current battle. Some history.

I wrote the following some time ago but I feel it's the appropriate first post for my blog. It's a general overview of my current battle with the VA. In time I'll go into further detail. I am also enrolled in the Independent Living Plan of the Vocational Rehab Program and I want to chronicle how that is going as well. Bear with me, invisible reader. We will get through this together. I hope you will learn from my adventures.


I filed for my initial rating in 1994 when I first retired from the Army. First rating was returned at 20%. It took 14 months to come back. I was naive about the system back then or I would've filed a NOD because they totally screwed me on service connection for my left shoulder and right knee. I applied and was approved for Vocational Rehab. That took another 12 months to get approved. I used it to go to school. I earned a degree in psychology and used that degree as a management tool. I worked in the animal care field managing veterinary hospitals and animal boarding facilities until I could physically no longer work in that field due to my service connected disabilities in 2005.

As I got older, my service connected disabilities worsened. While I was living in Albuquerque I reopened my claim and requested an increase in my rating based on continuing treatment of my service connected disabilities. My left knee had gotten worse -- arthritis had settled in. My IBS was out of control -- I suffer from chronic diarrhea. I have impingement syndrome in my right shoulder and I have lost range of motion because it has gotten worse. I have broken several teeth and continue to wear a bite guard due to bruxism (I was diagnosed with it while on active duty). That came back and my disability rating was increased to 50%. That was approved in Jan of 2006. It took almost two years alone just to get the bruxism approved. No one seemed to know what bruxism was or who was supposed to handle a dental claim. When the bruxism was approved, they also approved TMJ as a secondary condition. I didn't even know that I had TMJ.

In November 2006 I had to go in for knee surgery. My left knee had gotten progressively worse. Months of physical therapy and the use of a brace hadn't helped it. There was so much damage to my left knee and so much scar tissue they had a difficult time getting into the actual capsule to look behind my knee cap. What they saw was not pretty. They cleaned out some of the scar tissue but that was all they could do at that point in time. I was diagnosed with Degenerative Joint Disease and Grade 4 Chrondomalacia. A complication of that surgery was a loss of range of motion and the beginning of chronic pain. My doctor advised me that in 6 months, after I healed from that surgery, I would have to go back in for a total knee replacement. However, because I moved to Florida in February 2007, I had to start the medical process all over again at the Tampa VA.

Because of the surgery in November 2006, I was unable to perform the duties of my job. I was a civilian Army recruiter. I couldn't drive a government vehicle because of the pain medications. I was on crutches and couldn't carry my recruiting "gorilla" bag. You cannot be an effective recruiter from behind a desk. I was unable to get to my schools, go to parent conferences, recruit on the streets, etc. I left that job and have not worked since. I moved to Florida in Feb 2007 and attempted to find work, but when you go on a job interview and you walk in using a cane and wearing a knee brace, no matter what your qualifications are, most employers aren't interested. To be honest, I wouldn't hire me. I knew that I was waiting to go into surgery for a knee replacement and I'd be out for a couple of months anyway. That didn't make me a good candidate anywhere. When I walked in for an interview I could see it in the eyes of the manager conducting the interview. I have enough of an HR background to know they can't ask about my physical abilities but they are legally entitled to ask if I can meet the physical qualifications required to perform the job I am being considered for. I was honest with potential employers. I let them know up front that I would be going in for knee replacement and would be out for a couple of months. All I received were letters of rejection stating they had hired a candidate more qualified to fill the position.

At that point, I reopened my claim again for another increase due to chronic pain, the diagnosis of DJD, grade 4 chrondomalacia, and knee instability. My claim was approved and my rating was increased to 80%. That was approved in June 2007, the same month that I went in for a total knee replacement but I didn't get the approval letter until October of 2007.

After the knee replacement, I went on Temp 100% until August of 2008. Effective September 1, 2008, my rating was decreased to 70% because they said that my knee should be stable because it had been replaced. Not one ortho doctor ever examined my knee or asked me how I was doing. They never called me back for a Comp & Pension exam to reevaluate my knee like they were supposed to do. If they had, they would have seen that the surgery had failed miserably.

I take 90mg's of morphine, 600mgs of topomax and 7.5 mgs of mobic just to get through each day. My doctor wanted to put me on oxycodone for break through pain but that stuff makes me high and I don't want it. I'd rather deal with the pain. As it is, I struggle just to stay awake through the day with all the meds that I have to take.

I can no longer live alone. My shoulders are so screwed up from falling that I can't lift my left arm to wash my own hair. The VA has outsourced me to the Florida Orthopedic Institute (FOI) for surgery on my left shoulder. Haley VA is so backlogged they can't get me in for surgery until October or November. I am scheduled to see the FOI Surgeon on 21 August. It's been so long since I was able to move my left arm because of pain that my left arm has started to atrophy. My right shoulder isn't too far behind it. I've already had one injection of cortisone in my right shoulder. It's my understanding the max you can have in any joint is three. The falls are not from the medications that I take. The falls are due to the failed left knee replacement. My knee buckles without warning and when I fall, I always manage to land hard on one shoulder or the other. My primary care physician and my pain management doctor want me to use a walker for safety reasons but my shoulders are so painful that I can't support myself on a walker. I do the best that I can on a cane. My primary care physician put in a request for a motorized scooter for me but I don't meet the quals for one. She wrote a consult to send me to the "Falls Clinic" but they are so back logged that my appointment isn't until September.

My partner helps me to dress and undress. She has to help me in and out of the shower. She has to wash my hair for me. She does my laundry for me because I can't carry a laundry basket to the laundry room. I can't cook for myself because I forget that the stove is on and I am afraid of burning down the house. My doctor has forbidden me to drive and has written that in my medical records. When we go shopping, I have to ride in a motorized cart. I can't push a shopping cart anymore. If I sit for more than 30 minutes at a time my legs begin to swell and my ankles turn to cankles. I have been issued compression stockings but they don't help much. Sitting at the desktop computer is painful and uncomfortable but I broke my laptop recently. My knee gave out when I stood up and as I was falling I hit my computer stand on the way down and my laptop hit the floor and broke. If we are in a public place and the handicapped stall is not available and I can't wait to use the restroom, Terri has to help me down onto the toilet. When I am finished, she has to lift me off the toilet.

Last October 2008 I applied for 100% based on Individual Unemployability. As a show of good faith, I also applied for Vocational Rehabilitation. You can use Voc Rehab more than once if your circumstances have changed drastically since the last time you went through the program and mine have. I wanted to go back to school for my Master's in Social Work. I would love nothing more than to work with veterans like myself. Voc Rehab put me into an extended evaluation program for several months to monitor my health issues before making a decision on my case. Each month, my health has continued to deteriorate. My Voc Rehab counselor worked very closely with my primary care physician. My Voc Rehab counselor has access to all my VA Health care records so it's not like I can go in there every month and bullshit her. She sees the records in black and white. After four months of seeing no progress in my health, in fact, a steady decline in my physical and emotional health, I was turned down for the school portion of Voc Rehab. It makes good sense if you think about it. I can't drive to school. I can't concentrate. I am in way too much pain to sit, stand or do much of anything for more than a very short period of time. Why waste the money on sending me to school? My Voc Rehab Counselor issued what's called a Feasibility Letter and and sent it to the VA Regional Office for inclusion in my disability packet. What the letter says is that I am not a candidate to return to school or gainful employment. The next step is the Independent Living Track. My Voc Rehab Counselor drew up paperwork to have a contracted Social Worker come to the house to evaluate me at home to determine what I need at home to make it more handicapped friendly. I already have shower bars, a raised toilet and a shower chair but those are temporary fixes. This hasn't been a speedy process either. My Voc Rehab Counselor drew up the paperwork for the social worker evaluation three months ago. The Social Worker finally, two weeks ago, came to my house and did her evaluation. She made her recommendation to my Voc Rehab counselor that I be given a laptop computer so that I can elevate my legs when I am online. She recommended that a Rehab Engineer come to my house to evaluate my bathroom for renovations to make it easier for me to get in and out of the shower. She recommended that a new, raised toilet be permanently installed. The one that I have in my bathroom now is not stable, safe or sanitary. She recommended to my Voc Rehab Counselor that I be given a motorized scooter and a lift for my vehicle. She says that I am socially isolated and that if I have a motorized scooter, I can at least get to a bus stop so that I can get out of the house on my own. My Voc Rehab counselor agreed with all of these recommendations but due to training she has to attend, she will not be able to start working on any of this until the beginning of August. Because the VARO has not approved my claim for 100%, I am only eligible for a one time grant of $4200 for home renovations. Anything above and beyond that, because I am in the Independent Living Track of Voc Rehab, Voc Rehab will foot the bill.

If I get approved for 100% that opens up a whole new realm of benefits that will help take the burden of caring for me off of Terri. We struggle financially for one. I know, who isn't in this economy? Our house needs renovations because eventually I will be in a chair. They are renovations that neither of us have money for. The VA will pay for that and that's a huge relief for us. We have two boys in college right now and money is tight.

The reason I'm pissed is because the VA is lying about the processing time. The average processing time is NOT 179 days. Ask any veteran who has been waiting to get a claim through in the last 8 years and they will tell you. Veterans pay good money in lifetime dues to the VFW, the American Legion & the DAV. Those organizations prepare our claims for us and represent us in our claims yet they do nothing when the VA tells John Q Public that they are processing claims in 180 days. Someone is lining their pockets with a lot of money to keep quiet.

Yes, part of the backlog problem is the new veterans of Iraq & Afghanistan. They are getting preferential treatment when it comes to processing their claims and it's pissing off a lot of us older veterans. Their claims are being pushed to the front of the cue while ours keep getting pushed further and further back in the cue. Turn around time for the new veterans is about 4 months thanks to something called Tier Two. Tier Two is causing a huge division in Veterans. It's becoming an us against them young'uns issue. Older veterans are dying because of it. And as soon as a Veteran dies, the VA stops processing their claims. By law, the claim is to continue processing because the surviving spouse is due any back pay owed to the deceased veteran. Case in point, read the story of Irish Brennan, a female Vietnam Veteran who passed away recently. Google it. I'm also fairly certain I published her story on my Facebook page somewhere.

The St Pete, FL, VA Regional Office which is processing my claim has the largest backlog of claims over 180 days in the United States according to the Monday Morning Workload Report. It's no wonder I've been waiting since October 2008 for my claim to process.

One more issue I am dealing with and this is very recent. First, let me give you some background. Over the last few months, I have been in touch with a lot of veterans who are victims of Military Sexual Trauma. I am working with a group of them, trying to help them fight for benefits. MST is difficult to prove because the burden of proof is on the victim. Because most victims are diagnosed with PSTD, military shrinks refuse to acknowledge and assign a diagnosis of PTSD to women because their belief is that PTSD is only caused by combat service. And we all know, women aren't allowed to be in combat, right?

Seven weeks ago, I was sitting on my bed and out of the clear blue I had a flashback. It came out of nowhere and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried for two solid days. Now, seven weeks later, it's flinging around in my head like a boomerang and I still don't know what to do with it. My VA psychiatrist thinks the flashback was triggered by my close contact with all the women victims of MST I've been in touch with recently. I had locked this memory up nice and tight and safe and away in a place where it couldn't touch me. For whatever reason, it chose seven weeks ago to reach out and touch me.

I was stationed in Vilsek, Germany at Rose Barracks from December 1981 to Feb 1984. It was either early 82 or 83 that I went in for my annual pap smear and birth control refill. I was young, early 20's, and thought doctors were to be trusted. The doctor told me to get into the gown and get on the table so I did as I was told. I was an E4 and he was an O3, I believe, so there was also that whole military rank thing going on. There was no nurse or other chaperon in the room and I didn't think anything of it. During the internal portion of the exam, the doctor said to me, "I'm going to push down on your ovaries. You tell me if this hurts." He pushed down so hard that I screamed out in pain and started to cry. He said to me, "Remember that. That's what it feels like when you kick a man in the balls." I didn't stay to complete the exam. I got off the table, got dressed and left the TMC. When I got back to my duty section I was in hysterics. My husband asked me what was wrong and I told him everything. He wanted to go back to the TMC and kill the guy. Instead of doing that, we reported the doctor through the appropriate channels. I remember writing up a statement and having to turn it in. I don't know what happened to the doctor, but he was gone by the following week.

For twenty years I have been terrified of male doctors. I can't be in a room with one by myself and if I am, I can't get a single word out of my mouth. Until I had that flashback, I never knew why. I repressed that memory for 20 years. I won't sit here and tell you that I have PTSD. I don't have anger issues or any of the clinical signs of PTSD that I have seen in my friends that I know have PTSD. I will not put in a claim for PTSD. But I have suffered Military Sexual Trauma. Will I put in a claim for it? I don't know. I have contacted my ex-husband and he doesn't remember the incident. He was a very heavy drinker back in those days. I'm lucky he remembers being married to me. I have written to St Louis and requested a copy of my medical records because the incident was recorded in them when it happened. Hopefully it wasn't removed from them by someone trying to cover that officer's ass.

Now I can begin to wrap things up for you. I reopened my claim in October 2008. I requested 100% IU with Aid & Attendance. I requested an increase in my left knee. I requested service connection for my right knee as a secondary condition. I have a statement from a VA ortho surgeon stating that my right knee now needs to be replaced because they harvested parts from the right knee in an attempt to repair the left knee. The right knee is now arthritic and has grade four chrondomalacia. I also requested service connection for depression as a secondary condition. I have been under the care of a VA psychiatrist for over two years now with a diagnosis of major depressive disorder. It is caused by my service connected health issues.


In December 2008 I received a letter from the VA telling me they had received my claim and needed some additional forms from me along with some additional evidence. I sent all that in. In April 2009 they sent me another letter requesting further information. I sent that in as well. In early June 2009 they told me that I had amended my claim to ADD aid & attendance and that my claim was now back at the bottom of the cue because of that amendment. Fortunately I was able to show proof that Aid & Attendance was part of my original claim dated October 2008. If I had not been able to show proof it would have meant a potential loss of 7 months of back pay if I get approved for aid and attendance.

I did an inquiry via the VA website to get an update on the status of my claim and was told it had gone to the Rating Board on 26 May 09. I waited 30 days and checked again only to be told I had been "misinformed" and that my claim had not been sent to the Rating Board on 26 May. I copied and pasted the response I had received telling me it had been boarded on 26 May and asked for an explanation of the discrepancy. I was told it was a "clerical error."

As of today, all the documents that are needed to send my packet to the Rating Board have been received. They have enough medial evidence to make a decision and they have said I don't need to go in for a physical exam because I am in the doctor's office several times each month. For all intents and purposes, my packet is theoretically sitting on a desk at the VA Regional Office collecting dust while it waits to go before the Rating Board. There is nothing left to do to my packet according to the Regional Office and no one can answer why it isn't before the Rating Board.

Update***

On Friday, I received a letter from the VA dated 8/5/09 directing me to report to the VA Hospital Tuesday, Auguest 29th, for two C& P examinations. Finally I am seeing some progress in my claim. I have two appointments that day although my letter doesn't specify what the exams are. I suspect one is orthopedics and the other is either psychiatry or psychology. It's a step in the right direction.